Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

h o p e

The RCD told me about a support group. 
With a name and number to call.
Today, I finally called.
I was at work, but had expected to leave a 3 second, non-returned voice-mail

She was very blunt.
Asked very AHH*OMG*&^$! questions in a way that assumed there wasn't a chance of you not answering.
Or in I way, that was, "I've heard everything."
The last part was encouraging.
So I answered them.
Then she said, it was her uncle.
And she said, come to this appointment.
I'll be your advocate.
Those weren't questions.

...And then said, she didn't remember the face.
...I don't remember the face either.
...I only remember hairy scary arms and other ! parts, and clothing and locations and voice...and the voice is the WORST.
And I cried.  The real kind with the connecting pain and awareness. 
Not the face leaking mandatory kind.
And locked myself in an empty hospital room until I could breathe again.

I think I just discovered how !!!!!! it is to "relate?" or to not feel AS crazy, or alone?

But also    

h o p e

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