Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Face Leakin' 2010

I'm 36.
I'd say in the past 30 so years of living:
I learned how to shut off.
Quite well. 
We're talking PhD here.
I learned the: THIS IS THE EXPECTED EMOTION.  Perform.
I did the functional face leak thing as needed.
FaceLeak at HOMERUN!  FaceLeak at GRADUATION!
Socially expected reaction.
FaceLeak On As Needed Basis.
It was real, but different.
It was FOR them, not for ME? 
There is no way this makes sense, but it does.
(crapfucksack I feel like I'm minimizing my amazing children and their accomplishments, IdidfeelitIDID.)

So there is this new thing.
This hot scratchy wet feeling behind my eyelids.
That seems to be somehow connected to emotions and me?
Sometimes it's Bambi's April showers and other times it's Katrina on her period who's best friend Tsunami, just ruined her Jimmy Choos.

I think it's partly because of the awake and aware thing.

But also.

RCD asked me a really rude forehead smacking question: who would cry for me?
Because I feel horrible for my siblings.
But not for me.
So I'm posting a Craigslist add. 
Please cry for me, unless you are Argentina.
Because I don't want to.

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