Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Friday, June 04, 2010

IDKWTFIGTD

So this whole thing of "NOT GOING BACK", has been nice.
It was like my week was planned around THE AWFUL.  Sunday wasn't Sunday, it was just two days until THE SUCK.
It's been a little freeing.
I got called twice for a re-schedule.  Ignored both.  Deleted the voice mails.
I should at least be honest, answer the phone and say "NOT COMING BACK".


butbutbutbutbutbutbutbut.


I'm afraid of STAGNANT and not WIN.  I'm afraid that maybe I can't do it on my own?


But labeled before I did the,  "NOT GOING BACK"  I have a label now!  Because I just LOVE labels so muchBarf.  But the label explains so much at the same time as I HATE it.  And the script.  And the product of my environment.  And the lack of CONTROL.
But at least the LABEL gives me something to fight/scream/kick/WIN against.
Are you ready for it?


Because I am not.


Avoidant Personality Disorder.
With Social Phobia.
Generalized Anxiety.
And Panic Disorder.
And the one without a name that I call "Personal Space Issues".  Or, "Don't Push On My Bubble Or I Will Cut You."
And I dissociate daily!
Depersonalization!
Plus in really FUN times, Agoraphobia!  Woo!
Par-Tay!


I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do?  Or "IDKWTFIGTD?".

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