Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Brain, Brain Go Away.

The Fluoxetine makes getting to the Random Counselor Dudes office less... PIT OF DESPAIR. 
Today was the first time I wasn't looking for a bus to pull out in front of on the way there. 
Mostly kidding.
It doesn't make talking any easier.

 
Or maybe it does. 
I've said so much more than I ever intended. 
So yay for being a pill popper.


It's really tough. 
And I'm good with tough!
I rock difficult!
I do the formidable quite well. 
Because just my day to day is MOUNTAINOUS
I force myself to do TITANIC every single day. 
Give me a problem to solve and I'll have the TPS report to you by morning. 
In triplicate.


But this is different.  Not even on the same planet as difficult.  With no map.  With PlayDough oozing and clogging everything.  This planet doesn't even have oxygen.


Anyhoo.


Random Counselor Dude asked me a question.  Why my oldest sister and I?  Why were we the only ones?  Per my usual...clueless.  But seriously.  WHY and WTF?  
As if there were really any acceptable answer.
As if it would be better if we all were.




So I called the oldest sister, Wendy, and told her I was coming over.  She was drinking so I knew she would be easier to talk to.  (That's very screwed up Keri).


And I asked her.  Because I'm all sorts of an obnoxious and brave pill popper.  Turns out, she hadn't told her partner of almost seven years anything about her childhood either.  (Good job Keri). 


We talked for two hours.  Which is about two+ hours more than Hunsakers ever talk about STUFF.  She cried a lot.  So did her partner.  The Numb Keri did not.


After one hour and fifty eight minutes, I said, Random Counselor Dude thinks that I was sexually abused.  Because that was an easier way to say it...although I. Can't. Believe. I. Said. Anything


Oldest sister, Wendy, said... I've always thought that...
....................................................................................
....................................................................................
Then a whole bunch of reasons why, then apologized for being the older sister and not protecting me. 


Numb Keri just left.
And cried the whole way home.
So, that was fun.


And I didn't believe myself.  I've doubted every single memory/feeling/moment.  I've rationalized and denied my way to Timbuktu and back again ninety three times.  Every minute of every day. 
But to hear THAT from someone who was there and survived it with me...

Good times.  Good times.


Validation is highly over rated.


Woo Fucking Hoo for progress.

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