Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Today

1- The oldest daughter, that was crazy independent/ornery the day she was born, and now she is a senior....
It has been tough/frustrating. With a large side of sad of what she's been through. But we survived almost eighteen years of it and Damn, it will serve her well in the real world. She moved into our renovated guest house during the summer.

Because, of the must have INDEPENDENCE. But I have to walk her out every night and tuck her in, because it's dark, and Moses has to go out and sleep with her. And can I please buy her some pepper spray?! even though she is five feet away.

2- The Second oldest daughter is a Freshman this year.
She has had weight issues starting when she was in fifth grade.
Last school year, at the end of her eighth grade she fit into a size 18/20.
Over the summer she decided to start running.
I bought her size 16's for new school clothes.
She started out running a few blocks. Then a paved jogging loop our town has at 2.8 miles.
She ran it twice tonight. Almost SIX MILES!
Her clothes are hanging off her!
She was just student of the month nominated by her PE teacher for knocking 2 minutes off her mile time!
I'm just SO crazy proud and need to buy Pom Pom's for me to cheer her on, and a new wardrobe for her!
Multiple exclamation points are totally justified in this case!

3- Twin A. My expressive language issues boy. The tree hugger/future Greenpeace President/snuggle bug. Who is crazy smart. Who was expelled last year because he is a "target" for bullies because he is different and finally defended himself. Who doesn't fit into the BOX, but still exceeds the test scores. Who has never watched a minute of Nascar because EWW, but still randomly informed me that lower tire pressure gave the drivers more grip on the road. ??? Anyway. He has an awesome teacher this year. Who gets him. And he does his homework without being asked. And the major issues now with his speech is that he doesn't have a problem with it.

4- My Twin B. Oh geez this guy. It would be all trouble except he is awesome. In the rare occasion that I have to discipline him, he breaks out the "truffle shuffle". The dude can make me laugh when I shouldn't and when no one else can.
He is ten. He is almost as tall as me and routinely steals my flip-flops and stinkifies them.


The husband- We've been together for twelve years. Married almost fourteen. We've struggled/overcame/struggled/overcame.
I know so much more now.
I love him. I always will regardless.
I am learning that sometimes it isn't enough.
I can't imagine my life without him.
But I have started to plan it.
He's isn't evil/bad... I just know that I will eventually tire of always being wrong/at fault/blamed.
I'm not being hasty. I will ride it out.
But I am now more realistic about it.
I DO truly love him. I DO NOT want anyone/anything but him and our life and our family.
I would happily celebrate 68 more years.
If it was a mutual goal.
But it's not entirely up to me.
I won't be the pathetic female victim.
I don't even know our bank account number. I don't have the passwords. I hand over my paycheck with a smile.
It's pretty shocking, looking back.
I don't pay the bills.
He pays the bills with his paycheck (lately partial un-employment) and then live off of my paycheck.
I vaguely know what we owe.
And I'm EMBARRASSED.
When it recently came to a *&^%* I asked him how he would feel if his sister did the same?
He did the, not OK, but a "shrug" answer.
My next payday I'm opening up my OWN account...and will let him ask ME for money.


And then my work, with it's skewed perspectives. My favorite (we're not supposed to have them!) was already retired when I was born. She will be 98 in January. And then my struggles seem so small.



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