Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Yes, we have no bananas.

One of my most difficult issues of this life so far, was when my Apraxia Expressive Speech Disorder Issue Twin Boy A (before he was labeled) would come toddling in, crazy excited...Desperate to share with his Mom about, etc! etc! etc!...

And THE MOM! who should! Couldn't understand.

There isn't a word in the English language to express that pain and frustration.
On both our parts.

Thankfully, it only lasted a second. I wanted to understand him just as much as he wanted to be understood.

And it really should have taken more of an effort.
But there is just something about a mom and child. Who already understand each other but need a few words in the spaces.

Now, a few years later, I had a resident who had "word salad" due to a delightful white matter aging issue.

She knew what she what she was saying and what she wanted:

"It is not a result of deficits in sensory, intellectual, or psychiatric functioning, nor due to muscle weakness or a cognitive disorder.
Dysphasia (pronounced
/dɪsˈfeɪziə/) is a language disorder in which there is an impairment (but not loss) of speech and of comprehension of speech.

And BOY oh (my) BOY, did I relate to this woman.

Like my son, she was very intelligent.

And I became her translator.

Twin A had taught me that communication was about much more than words.

I remember one defining day in the dining room, where this lady had become frustrated trying to communicate her needs to another staff member and then just decided to point at me. I was helping other people and oblivious to their plight. Until the exasperated staff member physically pointed me in her direction.

After a few moments, a few random words, and for whatever reason, I knew she wanted a glass of milk and some ketchup for her fries.
I can't explain it. I am just a Mom who loves her boy that has difficulty speaking, and we just figured it out.

After that, she always sought me out.

And the days I didn't work, she was reportedly frustrated.

And the rest of the staff became crazy frustrated with both of us.

And then she unexpectedly died. At 72, of heart failure, of all things.

And I was/am sad.

And then I realized that I wouldn't always be around.

To translate..protect...solve.

Which feels really negligent on my part.

And regardless of any any speech issues, I wish I could see my children be ornery old farts.

And I hope there is someone to translate and care for them when I'm, not anymore.

But, on the other hand, I VOW that my children will never have to change my diapers.

I've had amazing teachers, working in a long term care facility.
I've had life altering experiences, working in a long term care facility.
Now I have:
A living will.
Advanced directives.
And if all else fails I will be a pill hoarder.


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