Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Eleven legal plus two

Happy anniversary!

And yay that our anniversary is right before V-Day so we can get over "the goopy" in one swell sweep.

After eleven years married and thirteen years together, I am still crazy attracted to this man.

Even in my dreams (yes those kind), he is the ONLY "action figure". Pardon the TMI.

Even with all of my flaws, he still says ditto.

On to other issues.

It's taken 34 years, 13 years together, 11 years married and four children and an "interesting" childhood, to learn that I have great difficulty with emotion.

I avoid emotional pain even more than I avoid physical pain.

Due to my general/social/whatever anxiety issues, I 've HAD to learn some coping skills. Especially since I won't do the pill thing.

I've come into a fair amount of stress-ors lately. Fine. Dealt.

Flooded guest house, gutted, deductible. Fine. Dealt.

Hit and run on my car, body shop, shitty rental car, deductible. Fine. Dealt.

Twin A, speech issue target child, who finally fought back against the bullies and therefore got suspended in THIRD GRADE. Tough one, but dealt.

Husband encountering another mass layoff at work. Fine. Dealt.

Grandmother had to have a large portion of her face carved off due to a cancerous tumor. Really tough, but dealing.

Then I encountered a few, should be happy shit things.

ERrrrrrrr? Fut the Wuck?

The problem is: I've just learned to become so numb, to avoid any emotional WHATEVER outside of my own narrow capacity? definitions?, I couldn't even...FEEL the happy ness.

I avoided the stress shit, but I was unable to feel the good shit.

So yeah, that's where I am.

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