Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

It stung like a violent wind that out memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds

And it all comes down to a little blurb in the local newspaper, an honorary pallbearer and notations of those left.

I posted about my Aunt before. We've been on watch a few times. After ten + years of fighting the big C, you naively desire a different victor.

She was 55, with kids younger than my own.

I tried to get to Utah. Even with most of the roads closed and all of the passes shut down. No way to get there even in the air.

And the miles suck. And it aches, not to be there with with my family, sharing the pain, but not the physical support.

And it sucks to posses my experience. Knowing all of the stages of death, and living with that evil vindictive Cancer bitch, is only worse when it is a loved one.

And for all of the hospice workers out there...thank you.

And for some people this experience strengthens their beliefs, makes them cling to their "god".
And I feel, and understand this desire, this hamster quest for answers. This attempt at explaining and controlling the inevitable.
And for others like me, it strengthens my absolutes.
I've worked in a long term care facility FAR too long to believe in any sort of "higher power".
What sort of "creator", would this be OK? Can you seriously call this "intelligent design" with a straight face?
Who would design this?
And if I'm ever proved wrong...FUCK YOU, you sadistic prick.


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