Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Everything is temporary anyway

You know those Meme things you get from "friends" time to time?
I rarely respond, because, blah, they're not sincere and I'm not really that interesting.
I got another one today, and even though I'm sure this is a frequent question, it made me pause.
  • Do you speak any other language?
Um yes.
The nervous rash, spew out intelligible nonsense, because I'm an awkward anti-social freak.

I was out driving with my oldest daughter the other night. She has to have fifty hours of drive time for her to graduate from drivers ed. We were having a good time! She'd only run over two curbs, almost a dog and made me spill my latte before the gas light on her 1979 diesel Mercedes came on. Whereupon I remembered that my 1979 diesel Mercedes gifting brother told me that the gas gauge wasn't exactly accurate.

My husband was at work. My only sibling left in Washington is my oldest sister who lives a half hour away, is most likely at work at one of her three RN jobs. And it suddenly came crashing down...that I wouldn't have anyone to call if we ran out of gas/got stranded.
Not one.
I don't have a single friend in this town, state. I have sisters in Utah, a brother on another continent and a Mother in Law in Western Washington, who would sacrifice their limbs for me, but not really a practical solution when running out of diesel in sagebrush hell a.k.a Eastern Washington.
My driving daughter was much more at ease, she has pockets full of close friends (praise someone, it's not genetic). But I obsessively imagined her friends parents, if she had to call for help, wondering why her mother didn't have her own resources.

We didn't run out of gas.

And we never will.

Because I will obsessively top gas tanks from now on, fueled (hee? meh.) by my inability to form real relationships.
I can fix so many things. I can change spark plugs, fuel/oil filters, diapers, colostomy/catheter bags. I can find Waldo. I can bandage the crap out of owies. I can argue the snot out of anyone who hinders my children's awesomeness. I changed out my own water heater by myself last year. I even rewired the fuse box when my boys heater kept tripping a fuse this winter.

But I'm somehow, unable, to fix me... if I even wanted to, I wouldn't know where to start.

I love my blogger buddies, they're the closest thing I have to a social group (sit for a minute and think about how pathetic this truly is, but also awesome). I don't often and won't, be much commenting anymore on their blogs.
Because I'm mostly the guest who doesn't have much to offer, who acts like she had too much champagne and ultimately embarrasses the host.
And I quit.
I give up.
And being alone is the best way to be.
When I'm by myself it's the best way to be.
When I'm all alone it's the best way to be.
When I'm by myself nobody else can say goodbye.
Everything is temporary anyway.
and we notice you don't come around.
~Edie Brickell~

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  • At Wednesday, February 13, 2008 4:52:00 AM, Blogger Miranda said…

    Don't go away, Keri! < /selfish>

    I know what it is to take a break. I know my online activities have dropped simply because I am doing so much more offline.

    Anyway, I won't start rambling because that would lead me to Assvice Mode and you don't give assvice to friends but I will say that I would have brought you diesel. You are awesome, Keri!

  • At Wednesday, February 13, 2008 7:58:00 AM, Anonymous JoeInVegas said…

    Did it still run after you filled up that diesel car with gas? My old Merc didn't like it too much when I did that. (I had an 85 300D).

    Sounds like she is doing well, as are you, but what exactly did you have in that latte cup?

  • At Wednesday, February 13, 2008 10:10:00 AM, Blogger Ann said…


    I have found that I rarely comment on friends' blogs any more since I've added google reader to my life. What they write magically appears on my screen and I no longer need to go to THEIR screens to see what's going on in their lives. You, Ms. K., are a good blog buddy. I don't comment much here, and sometimes I regret that, because even though you may think alone is better, it's really not, and you really aren't alone (cue obnoxious song here) because you have us in the ethernet who think you're fun and funny and admire your awesomeness.

    I just wanted you to know that I read everything you write, and your writing is good, and you should keep writing for you. And know that I'm out here, 1800 miles away, caring what happens to you and yours.

  • At Wednesday, February 13, 2008 10:11:00 AM, Blogger Ann said…

    P.S. Re being 1800 miles away: I know what you mean about not having friends in the 'hood. If you take me being 1800 miles away caring what happens to you, and add $4.50, you can replace that latte.

  • At Sunday, February 17, 2008 10:38:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Did you know your blog is near the top of my bookmarks because I've read it ever since the original Foyer people started blogging years ago (Ann, Miranda)?

    I don't know what it takes to have "real" friends either. But I know I've kept you in my thoughts all this time, for what it's worth.

    - Phoebe

  • At Sunday, February 17, 2008 10:40:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    PS: I hate google reader. I think blogs are for comments, not drive-by looking. Blogs are letters to friends. I stop writing letters if people don't write me back. Just my $4.50 worth.

    - Ph


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