Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Friday, February 29, 2008

For Randy:

One of my favorite passages of my absolute FAVORITE book:

(Big brother [Irwin] gets good news about his Papa and gives his younger twin sisters [Bet and Freddy] an "airplane" ride, much to the dismay of his Mama)

"Ready aim FIRE!" Bet hollers when her skull doesn't quite smash against the steps, and Irwin zwoops them up and takes off sprinting. Mama watches, her hands flat on her head like a prisoner of war's, her bare toes writhing in her red rubber thongs, and weird, dog-like whimpers raising in her throat. But as Irwin roars around the yard and the twins scream and squeal, as he yo-yos and loop-the-loops them, almost but never quite splintering their sweet little noggins against everything hard, sharp and dangerous in the world, the whimpers move from Mama's throat down to her belly, change into laughter, and gain volume and power till she's howling and helpless, her face young and wild and pretty as the delinquent teenaged daughter she looked like seconds ago. Irwin pretend-trips on the water faucet. He pretend-crushes the girls when he falls. He pretend-screams and flails the twisted arm and leg he's pretend-fractured. And the three of them, the two of Mama, the entire five or six of us laugh like there's nothing funnier in this world than crushed toddlers and fractured limbs."

"The Brothers K" by David James Duncan

(I've recommended this book so many times, and given away so many copies, that I may as well just slap on a name badge and start knocking on doors)
(I recognize that if you weren't raised in a stifling religion [like I was] and worship baseball [like I do] and have an awesome family [as I do], this book might have to be your second favorite.)

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Merely a Flesh Wound

All of these bullets have enough behind them to be a full + post, but I have just enough energy to shoot you tonight:

  • The best about talking to my "mother" after years of silence, is how happy it makes my daughters. There aren't any rose colored glasses here. After only a few conversational months, my "mother" has already abused this new ground and may have caused irreparable damage to an already thready relationship with my father, for her personal ex-husband/check list/gains.
  • I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I do know that I don't want to be a nurse any more. After almost seven years in this field, I've finally experienced ALL of the reasons there is a nursing shortage.
  • WIG's. In my family these are called, "Wildy Improbable Goals". One sibling and one brother in law have already fulfilled theirs (replaced with new ones). I have one, but it takes a Masters degree...and I's just been wunderin' if I is reely gots the akademick smarts fur it.
  • My older sister, whom I've talked to every single day since I was born, except for when she was on her mission and honeymoon, has stopped talking. And that sucks like a black hole.
  • I wish I had a some way to truly express how much I loaf/respect my blogger buddies. If this blog is my therapy, then my buddies are my Prozac. You guys deserve a promotion.
  • HIPPA! We had a hypothetical Norovirus out break at my fake work. In the entire time this fake facility has been open, we've never had to quarantine it before. We hypothetically currently have 24 residents and only five hadn't gotten it...until I did. So I'm not sure about the five, as I'd been told not to come back to work for three days. This is my third day and I'm starting to pretend to remember what feeling human is like. I made it two weeks before I got sick, all the while, cleaning up shit and puke in my PPE's. The puking was bad, the hershey squirts were worse, but the muscle aches and chills...oh lardy.
  • 16 year old driving daughter is good (but not at driving) she's off to jazz festival this weekend where she will rock her tenor sax. Tournament softball practices have been every Sunday since last August, but school Softball is starting soon. With morning Drivers Ed and after school Softball, she'll be at school for twelve hours a day. Her ulcers were getting better.
  • 13 year old daughter is hormonal, but ever on the honor roll and sticking with her early morning (6am)voluntary conditioning program in middle school. She's sort of the middle child (like me) because of her twin younger brothers. So I try to make sure we have a lot of bonding time, which last weekend ended up in me sporting purple toenails with pink polka dots. She gave up her trumpet this year in favor of art class. Middle Schoolers in this district can only have one elective. I was sort of sad about it, (as was the music instructor) because band was the the ONLY reason I liked school and kept attending, and she was very good! It turns out she is also an amazing artist! Her last (honor roll) report card had a comment from her art teacher saying, "she shows a very strong ability in this area." I should really scan some pictures, they are amazing. She made a get well card for her brother (MFA) when he was sick, and the likeness was surreal. I worry that her heart is softer than mine...
  • Twin A (MFA) is really struggling. His most amazing awesome SLP quit last year. There is a major shortage of SLP's nationwide, and it is affecting him severely. So far his grades aren't suffering too much, he's still at the top of his class in math and reading, but his behavior is declining...or more precisely, his reaction to the situation he is in, is becoming less positive. Imagine trying to function in a world where you speak a unique language that can't be learned...and you have to un-learn it. Then imagine that it is a developmental issue, that if you don't overcome it soon, you will always struggle with it. This above anything else in my life is my focus, and tugs at my very core.
  • Twin B seems to have inherited what my BIL calls "strong pioneer stock." Nothing phases this dude. He is the top of his entire class, in every subject in school. He saved up his Valentine candy, and then asks me if I want a kiss...and then I get two. Both are very delicious. Shiny happy people r' us.
  • The husband and I recently celebrated our tenth anniversary. The last two years have been really rough, but I married an awesome man. No points given to me, I was just lucky. I think I briefly mentioned my epiphany in a previous post, but I can't imagine waking up and facing my day without this person. We're off to the ocean to defrag and celebrate at the end of the month.
  • As always, for the years that I've known her, I'll collect shells for my absent blogger buddy Whidbey Island friend, Jo.

Labels: , , , ,

Sunday, February 17, 2008

A warped mind is a wonderful thing to share

My favorite YouTube video, for at least a month, has been this one:
Ahh, what a glimpse into my future (this future where I also wonder how I will sustain by boys with umm sustenance, based upon how much they eat NOW).

Then I went to another one of my favorite websites:
and saw this picture:

Hey, watch the video first cheaters!

And then scroll down...

"Put down the yardstick!"


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Everything is temporary anyway

You know those Meme things you get from "friends" time to time?
I rarely respond, because, blah, they're not sincere and I'm not really that interesting.
I got another one today, and even though I'm sure this is a frequent question, it made me pause.
  • Do you speak any other language?
Um yes.
The nervous rash, spew out intelligible nonsense, because I'm an awkward anti-social freak.

I was out driving with my oldest daughter the other night. She has to have fifty hours of drive time for her to graduate from drivers ed. We were having a good time! She'd only run over two curbs, almost a dog and made me spill my latte before the gas light on her 1979 diesel Mercedes came on. Whereupon I remembered that my 1979 diesel Mercedes gifting brother told me that the gas gauge wasn't exactly accurate.

My husband was at work. My only sibling left in Washington is my oldest sister who lives a half hour away, is most likely at work at one of her three RN jobs. And it suddenly came crashing down...that I wouldn't have anyone to call if we ran out of gas/got stranded.
Not one.
I don't have a single friend in this town, state. I have sisters in Utah, a brother on another continent and a Mother in Law in Western Washington, who would sacrifice their limbs for me, but not really a practical solution when running out of diesel in sagebrush hell a.k.a Eastern Washington.
My driving daughter was much more at ease, she has pockets full of close friends (praise someone, it's not genetic). But I obsessively imagined her friends parents, if she had to call for help, wondering why her mother didn't have her own resources.

We didn't run out of gas.

And we never will.

Because I will obsessively top gas tanks from now on, fueled (hee? meh.) by my inability to form real relationships.
I can fix so many things. I can change spark plugs, fuel/oil filters, diapers, colostomy/catheter bags. I can find Waldo. I can bandage the crap out of owies. I can argue the snot out of anyone who hinders my children's awesomeness. I changed out my own water heater by myself last year. I even rewired the fuse box when my boys heater kept tripping a fuse this winter.

But I'm somehow, unable, to fix me... if I even wanted to, I wouldn't know where to start.

I love my blogger buddies, they're the closest thing I have to a social group (sit for a minute and think about how pathetic this truly is, but also awesome). I don't often and won't, be much commenting anymore on their blogs.
Because I'm mostly the guest who doesn't have much to offer, who acts like she had too much champagne and ultimately embarrasses the host.
And I quit.
I give up.
And being alone is the best way to be.
When I'm by myself it's the best way to be.
When I'm all alone it's the best way to be.
When I'm by myself nobody else can say goodbye.
Everything is temporary anyway.
and we notice you don't come around.
~Edie Brickell~

Labels: , ,

Saturday, February 09, 2008

non-violent bullets of this week.

  • Tom the runt had his balls removed this week, just when he finally grew some fuzz on them. He's been very mellow since, but I think it's only because he's worried about what part we'll chop off next.
  • My oldest got a hardcore plastic drivers permit in the mail this week. The age I was when I got pregnant with her.
  • A new/old job, but full time starting on the 15th. How do you give two weeks notice before you start?
  • Major snow here. The indigenous residents don't remember this much snow. It's because of the - temperatures. Nothing is melting, just accumulating. The mountain passes to Western WA have been mostly closed for the last two months.
  • Blogger buddies have come and gone. I can't delete even when I should. Too much money for therapy if I do, but I'll catch them somewhere else. <3
  • My 10 year anniversary was yesterday. I was spoiled. I had an epiphany recently, courtesy of my JW, SIL whom I rarely relate to: Imagine waking up and facing the day without him?
  • My "mother", remember her? I'm the very last person who would have expected this.
    We talk at least once a week. Often more. She's changed. I've changed. Maybe it was a mutual lowering of expectations? We are both very guarded, but enjoying "whatever" this is, in this moment. And if that isn't the most serious HOLY FUCKING WOW, I don't know what could be?
  • My niece with the serious health issues, who just recently turned four months old, beautifully bucking the system. I know I'm biased, but she should be on a magazine cover.

Labels: , ,