Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Unworthy Exmormon

I'm a fifth generation Mormon (ex/former/resistant strain?) and was raised in Utah with ultra TBM parents with plenty of extreme rules.
My Great Grandfather x-five, was Brigham Young's right hand man.
That's my Mormon heritage history moment for the evening. There will be a test on this and please hand your papers to the left.

I remember being very young and sharing a room (we had the huge mandatory Mormon house with PLENTY of rooms, but according to the Father, sharing rooms built character) with my oldest sister.
I have vivid memories of her kneeling down every night to pray and then reading her scriptures before going to sleep...and feeling, I don't know the right word, surprised? Curious?
Somehow though, as a child, I never felt like I was the one who was confused/flawed.
It just was never my thing.
Only once, when I was sixteen, and had just had a baby, did I truly *try* to believe and conform.
But with a huge push of a warped former young women's leaders comments towards me and my "illegitimate" baby about how we "darkened" the place, is was thankfully a very short stage.

Um, wait, what was the point of this post?
Oh yes, I have never felt the need to resign from the Morg (Slang for: Mormon Organization/Morgue. Also see "Borg" in reference to Star Trek).
I feel that in doing so, it legitimates and/or that I would be submitting to some fucked up cults made up Monopoly rules.
Mormonism or ExMormonism has just never been that important to me.

I think the point is coming here soon, maybe? Today sometime?

I frequent a few ExMormon boards, mostly because Mormonism, regardless, is a huge part of my herstory. I enjoy conversing with people with whom I share a common background.
But sometimes, in this exmormon community, it seems that I just didn't suffer enough.
I didn't ever have to ritually disembowel myself in the Temple.
I never had to endure the nylon magic underwear in 115 degree Utah temperatures.
My opinion isn't backed by years of misery.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
I'm an unworthy exmormon.
Sheesh, I just can't win.

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7 Comments:

  • At Wednesday, June 06, 2007 5:37:00 AM, Blogger C. L. Hanson said…

    Which board is giving you trouble?

    A whole lot of people in the online exmo community have never resigned or been exed. There's no reason that should make you feel like your experiences with Mormonism are less significant or less valid.

     
  • At Wednesday, June 06, 2007 6:04:00 AM, Blogger Miranda said…

    Keri, as a convert, I know exactly what you mean. The Fruitstand is the only non-blog stop on the DAMU that I feel "worthy" of posting. It's partly why I don't consider myself an ex-Mo or post-Mo.

    But I love so many of the great thinkers, like you!, I encounter so I can never truly quit the scene.

     
  • At Thursday, June 07, 2007 6:53:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Orrin Porter? That one?

    I'm feeling too messed up today to say anything other than I think you are so cool.

    -ph

     
  • At Thursday, June 07, 2007 8:09:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Heck, I'm still on the rolls. My wife may be returning to the fold, so I don't want to annoy her with a needless resignation. But I'm sure it will amuse her to tell the current bishop, "oh, yeah, Randy is at the Zen Temple right now." Plus I already switched my political party affiliation, and that's enough for one year.

    I'm beginning to see that almost all of my personal hang-ups were caused by my fucked-up family dynamic. Some were amplified by the church; others weren't. I had a series of excellent bishops when I was a kid, and that still means something to me. Whatever, it's not my thing now.

    I still do drive-bys on FLAK and even NOM, but the Fruitstand is my One True Board, and I spend more time in blogland and reading actual books than I used to in my DAMU heyday.

    --Randy P.

     
  • At Friday, June 08, 2007 10:13:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yay! Randy switched political parties!

    That was my early Christmas present -- thanks, R!

    -ph

     
  • At Wednesday, June 13, 2007 4:42:00 PM, Anonymous CV Rick said…

    Nice post . . . really nice. I have a Mormon pedigree going back to the pioneers and weird freaky people as well . . .

    I'm an unworthy ex-mormon also . . . hell, I didn't even know there was a community. I just got my excommunication and walked away, happy to live the rest of my life. Now I find out there's a lot of us out there, and a lot who still have to suffer daily drudgery of Mormonism in their lives.

    I've rambled enough. I like your style though.

     
  • At Friday, July 20, 2007 7:44:00 AM, Blogger Sister Mary Lisa said…

    I'm also a woman who grew up mormon, and got pregnant out of wedlock (gasp!)...only I did so at BYU.

    I'm enjoying your blog immensely.

     

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