Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Hollow points.

  • For anyone wanting to know how to make the pain of a root canal worse, contact me.
  • If Vicodin makes you nauseous, try to take them with a hangover, and then please post a video so I can laugh at your pain, because mine isn't so funny anymore.
  • My liver has requested to be donated ASAP.
  • Ms. Banana, this should be your secret blog! Plus, then there would be something interesting to read here...double score!
  • The going back to school thing, that should have happened yesterday, was thwarted by the delightful $2400 "nerve therapy" par-tay.
  • What the nugget happened to Pheebs and DewDoo? I know DewDoo's wife was very sick and I truly hope they are doing OK. And Pheebs, *punch on the shoulder* you had BETTER be sick and not be vacationing. :o) And ((Jo)).
  • Dumpster is my Ebert my Roeper, but with cuter kids. I've watched and loved almost everything the dude recommends (I can't rent Dexter yet, so I read the book).
  • People, do NOT waste your time with "Blockbuster Total Access", what a complete joke. Forgive me for my sins Netflix, and thank you for saving my queue. Oh and the "Watch Now" thing COMPLETELY kicks being able to return blockbuster on-line rentals at the store...if you ever got one that is.
  • I did a Google on the life expectancy of a Beta. It seems that my fish, Dave, is a three year old senior citizen. I'm hoping he signed DNR papers because, although I'm certified, I'm not sure how the whole mouth to gill thing would work.
  • Miranda isn't a Ho, but she is old.
  • My first aid/CPR certificate recently expired. I have had an argument (for six+ employed years at this hospital) about how mandatory classes are only offered at times that are convenient for staff who work day shift. Those of us who work the weekend/evening shift, is because that is, when we are available. Soooo I challenged it at a time that was convenient for me. I rocked it of course, because it basically basic. But then, oops, on my rocking it part, was asked if I could start teaching the class. I declined, because, I would have to teach the class during day shift hours and that's just goes against my principles, Hehe.
  • I have to go back to the "nerve therapist" tomorrow.
  • I'd like to thank Scarlett O'Hara for giving me: "I can't think about that right now. I'll think about that tomorrow." I'm going to use that sucker all the time, like right now for instance.
  • Posted in black type/font, out of respect for the elderly.


Thursday, March 22, 2007

Two for one.

I had a root canal yesterday, or "nerve therapy" as my dentist called it. He's fancy that way.
Whatever, it still cost $2400 and hurts like a mother.
(BTW thank you, previous dentist, who supposedly fixed this same tooth a year ago).
Pain killers make me pissy/pukey so I'm using a well know home remedy know as......BEER!
Since that's the most profound thing I can come up with, I give you two of my favorite artists in one youtube video.
You may thank me in the morning....err, make that mid afternoon.

ETA: Aww fuck me raw, I don't think it's working...and the damn word verification letters are kicking my ass.

ETA2: That big blank space up there is supposed to be a you tube video *&^%$#. Arggghhh!

ETA3: Note to self, what the? were you thinking trying to do the you tube posting thing when under the influence of "home remedies."

ETA5: Don't rub your eyes after you squeeze lime into your Corona.

ETA6: Dude, WTF happened to ETA 4?

Etssomething: I think I just felt the spirit.


Saturday, March 17, 2007


Someone I've only talked about once on this blog in three+ years, is my Father.
This photo is the picture taken of him before his Mormon mission.

When I try to write about him it comes out, ei2ndslf altkf and sometimes dixvkeos but also ubh8st with a lot of oi*wbn!

In my adult life, we've always talked at least once a week and generally had a mutually positive relationship.

Now there are some issues.

Some present some past.

A few I can't bend on.

One thing, not the HUGE thing, is that he has really started pushing Mormonism, something he's never done before. We used to mostly agree to dis-agree, with a large dose of respect of each others choices.
No more.

I think it is mostly due to his age and his Mormon afterlife beliefs.

He is 62 this year, one year younger than when my Grandfather, his father, died from a genetic heart condition.

So it's hard to have these issues.

It's hurts that my children don't have a participating Grandfather.

There are a million excuses, the biggest being that he has a new family/wife, a biological daughter younger than my boys and the miles between us.

If he visited tomorrow he could only correctly name 2 out of four of my children and he doesn't have a smidge of alzheimers.

This still isn't the big issue, surprisingly, but the big issue makes the smaller ones jump out and scream at me and let me just say that that the issue seriously needs to purchase some new pom poms.

Yuck for all the cryptic shit, I hate it when people do that.

It's so frustrating, why CHOOSE to write about something on a public blog but only give fractal info?

But, the big issue, will be another couple thou in therapy and a few years before I can be honest and type about it coherently.

It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.


Thursday, March 15, 2007

Phorgive me Pheebe

I have two dogs.
I live in a town where there are leash laws and pet licenses are required.
To get the license you have to show proof of rabies shots.
If your dog isn't neutered you pay about five times as much.
I think it is great policy.
Leash laws rock.
Requiring shots makes complete sense.
Neutering is responsible.
No problemo.
My dogs are licensed, and are always current on their shots.
Mr. Moses Old Fart Golden Retriever has been fixed for six+ years and Ms. Banana Wonder Mutt Extraordinaire has an appointment on March 20th to have her baby making parts removed, because that's when she will be old enough.
(Dearest Ann, I swear I didn't name my dog after you, although I adore you enough to do so. She came with the horrible name of "Roxanne" and after a few versus of Sting, I dubbed her Ms. Banana because she wouldn't answer to "slut" and "banana" was close enough to Roxanne for her to recognise.)
Why oh WHY aren't the same rules applied to cats?
I may be biased, because I'm allergic, and cats are dumb, but seriously?
I don't think cats should be on a leash (but if you try, can I watch?), but shouldn't they have the same licensing and shot requirements of dogs?
My Hot Vet has also informed me that the flea problem in this town is mostly due to stray cats.
Note to self, buy stock in Frontline/Advantage.

I'm sure other more progressed townships require this, but until then, I shall curse every flea bitten stray cat and yell, "MORMON!" every time I see one, because you know, reality rules don't apply to cats and it makes me all tingly.

P.S. It has begun. Softball/Baseball season is upon us. No free weekends now until August.


Monday, March 05, 2007

(parent thesis)

Whenever I get frustrated with the offspring, my SOP is to remember myself at that age, how I felt, what I wanted etc.
It usually works, But:
  • I never wanted to be a cheerleader. My oldest daughter has been expressing interest, but, I feel that, the day that boys show up in short skirts (shorter than allowed by normal daily dress code like the cheerleaders at our high school) to cheer, and jiggle their body parts around, for the girls who excel at their sports, is the day I will support my daughters being cheerleaders. Of course, there is that whole exhausting free will thing but also the archaic, patriarchal degradation to women thing.
  • I've never been a boy or had a penis. My standard response to my boys is, "Your body is beautiful and awesome, but that should be done in your room." My girls were much younger than my boys are now, when they had questions and were given age appropriate information. I keep waiting for the Dad to step up, because it's unfamiliar territory for me. Advice/Mothers of boys PLEASE speak up. I'm failing them here.
  • I didn't date. I was raised ultra-conservative Mormon (meaning I snuck around, had sex for the first time at twelve, had no idea what was really going on, and was pregnant at sixteen.) The Profit says no dating until sixteen. I don't give a squat about his opinion, but sadly, still have a few residual twitches. So what the heck that my honor role twelve year old wants to go to the movies with a BOY?! Normal pre-teen activities are mostly a loss to me. We still write in our journal we keep for each other. We have used up three books already, and I have to say that it was one of the smartest things I've ever done (not that the list is very long).

That folks, dear gentile bloggers, is what's slogging around in the grey pools of my matter tonight. Also, buffalo wings sound REALLY good right now.