Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Time in a bottle.

Seriously? You're going to cry at that? And again?

I've been so weepy all day, for no reason.
Not that time of the month, or that other time of the month.
Just an extra bonus fun "cry for no reason" day!

  • Saw my name on a friends blog=cry. (For the record, I don't have Pheeb's HTML Skeelz, or all ya'lls names would be there, even the chronic deleters)
  • Walk past a picture of my Grandfather that has been hanging there since I bought the house, oh I dunno, seven years ago=cry.
  • Look at my sons HUGE chicklet front tooth that is growing in=cry (if they all come in that size we may have to order a larger mouth. Possible new nickname: Fang or Thumper)
  • Get into an argument with "THE TEEN WITH MUCH NEEDS BUT VERY LITTLE BRAINS" about something stupid she did, thus spending the rest of the night in her room sulking=cry.
  • Empty bed. Husband working night shift=cry.

I've been really missing my siblings, and my Grandma lately.

I think that is a large part of my emotionalmessiness, and of course the recent holidays didn't help.

All of my siblings except one moved out of state two years ago.

My younger sister and spouse just totaled their Outback on some icy roads in Utah. They're mostly fine, but it's hard to hug with 1000 miles in the way (worry worry worry). Although, 1000 miles should seem manageable, when she has spent most of the last ten years in Brazil/Guatemala/Israel/Bolivia/India etc...etc...etc... AT&T loved us. She is married to a Brazilian, and being a newlywed is much harder than Hallmark would like us to think, especially with cultural gaps.

My younger brother just put his house, car and everything else up for sale. He's moving his fam from Utah, to Australia with an awesome job opportunity. I looked, and it's only 11 cents a minute to call. We usually spend and hour or so on the phone every Sunday, but hey, I'll just learn to talk faster, if they'll stop my niece and nephew from growing up without me.

My older sister is a first year teacher in Utah, and is in charge of the Spanish immersion program at her school. Her husband just opened a new business. Lot's of stress, and I worry. I talk to her the most, usually right when her class gets out every day. We relate to each other very well. She has a set of twins too, and helped me survive my twins first years. We save each other mucho buckos in therapy because we have each other. She is my prozac. We don't "relate to each other very well" She is TBM. I am agnostic/atheist, and it has never been an issue, because that is just how much we rock.

My oldest sister is the only sibling that lives in the same state as me. We live a 1/2 hour apart, but don't see each other often because of her crazy work schedules. She is an RN with four, yes I said FOUR, jobs. She is my children's second mother. We have lived together off and on since I was sixteen. If someone wanted dirt on me, she would be the one to call, fortunately she wouldn't tell, cause I gots the dirts too. :o) She is Lesbo and her spouse, an RN too, is (insert inadequate awesome word here) is the closest thing to a sister I have without the DNA.

My Grandma. Gawd I love her, and miss her terribly. She turned 80 in August and still has a head full of thick brown hair, lives on her own and is the rock of the family. Say the word and she will cook up a storm and be the party. Her cauliflower soup is the only vegetable product my husband has every eaten. I've been dreaming about her and my (deceased) Grandpa, nightly for two+ weeks. In my dreams, I am back at their house in Idaho. THE happiest memories of my childhood. I walk through every room and commit it to memory. I rarely remember my dreams, but these stick with me, and I have a strange desire to sit down and draw a floor plan of that house? Every resident I deal with at work, gets extra time/love/patience, because I can't spend it with her.

Pass the tissues?


  • At Tuesday, January 16, 2007 5:33:00 PM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    That happens to me, too -- dreaming about my grandparents' house, room to room. And missing them so much.
    You have a bigger support team than I do, and I'm gladfor you. My one sibling is not close because my family is sort of affection-disabled. And I grew up thinking that I am supposed to be an island anyway. Being landlocked is lonely sometimes.
    Cry away, Keri -- nothing wrong with caring so much.

  • At Tuesday, January 16, 2007 7:13:00 PM, Blogger Ann said…

    Sit down and draw a floor plan of that house.

    Your dreams are telling you something.

  • At Tuesday, January 16, 2007 7:13:00 PM, Blogger Ann said…

    Oh, and husband working third shift=empty bed=the suck.

  • At Wednesday, January 17, 2007 4:25:00 PM, Anonymous belaja said…

    Ms. C, you and your long-distance siblings need to get Skype. Seriously, my youngest sis lives in Britain, and that is how we talk. In fact, we can get four on a call. It is priced right at FREE per minute. It is internet telephony, so you just need speakers with a microphone set-up. Everything is a free download from the net and they tell you how to configure everything right on the site. Just google -- oh never mind. Here's the link:

    Seriously, it is a screaming deal. When my sister was engaged long-distance to her Brit spouse they talked daily for hours over Skype and it didn't cost them a farthing (or a cent).

  • At Wednesday, January 17, 2007 6:34:00 PM, Blogger Randy said…

    I was a little teary-eyed last weekend myself, set off by a football game of all things. There were some other things going on too, so that was just a catalyst. I haven't had a crying jag in months. Sometimes it just breaks whatever tension is building up in my tiny brain.

  • At Monday, January 22, 2007 8:33:00 PM, Blogger Rory Kearn said…

    I agree with Ann, write down your dream.

    Your family sounds amazing. I have a sister who I hardly talk to, yet I have sisters of the heart who are closer than blood. You are blessed.


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