Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Wiped Withdrawals

I recently had to reformat, reinstall, and other un-savory things, to my computer.
FYI, hammers and hard drives are not good bed fellows, but it does feel good.
I'm back, but am missing many links.
I've found a lot of them, but one pherocious phriends blog is lost.
So Pheed me a link, and Pheel Phree to recommend any others pholks.
Pretty please? With a shot of jagermeister on top?
Phor those anonymous pholks:

Sunday, November 26, 2006


I grew up on a small farm on the shores of Utah lake.
We always had a wide variety of animals needing some sort of attention.
When given the choice between household chores, or farm/outside chores, I was the one freely volunteering for any outdoor task.
I'm still that way, I'll take poop scooping outdoors over indoor dishes any day.

One day, with some free time, my foster sister and I were out exploring our acres, swamps and marshes and found a ducks nest. The eggs were light green and probably mallard.
We decided that the nest had been abandoned, and took the eggs and placed them under one of our faithful banty hens.
About a week later, three of the eggs hatched and Ms. Banty Hen was a devoted mother.
It was fun to see this red banty hen with her three little baby yellow "ducks in a row" behind her, she taught them where to find the tastiest bugs, and was even partly successful in getting them to "roost" in the hen house.
I wish I had taken a picture of Ms. Banty Hen, and her three little wobbly ducktards trying to maintain balance.
I watched them with a sense of pride/wonder, because I felt like I had created a family.

Then the babies grew feathers.
Then the babies found the stream.
Then I watched the mother banty hen frantically screeching and running up and down the river bank when her babies inherent instincts drew them to the water.

This is how I now feel with the whole parenting thing.
Especially now that I have teenagers.
I have to accept that they are unique and apart from me.
I've taught them the important things.
I've kept them safe.
But they have to be who they are, and grow and venture into the world.
Even though I don't like this water world, and may occasionally/frantically screech and run up and down the banks.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Err, can you repeat that?

I may have over reacted?
Or not, it was a seriously screwed up situation.
Whatever, it worked.
I am now a part time employee, my shift intact, with an apology and a raise + some to compensate for losing my per diem pay.
I'll take "Where Can I Buy A Sense Of Self Worth? For 200 Alex."

Monday, November 20, 2006

Gah 101, with bullets!

  • In an effort to not take this personally, I understand that the hospital has a completely new administration from top to bottom who have no clue who really does what. I left a "nice" voice mail with the Director of Nursing Services and asked to meet tomorrow. I will demand my exact schedule, part time, nothing less. I am optimistic because the job market for nurses aids is on my side, as is my charge nurse, staffing coordinator, my stellar performance reviews and the old farts love me. If that fails, I will give a one minute notice of employment termination, unlike the consideration they didn't give me. I won't feel guilty when they have to scramble to cover "my" shifts for the next five years, because they are chronically short staffed, and have chosen to disregard their per diem employees. I won't allow myself to be used as an unappreciated schedule filler. In addition, my older sister, an RN, recently applied and got offered a charge nurse position in the ER, for this same desperately short staffed rural hospital. If my meeting doesn't go well, she will refuse their employment offer. Because that what sisters do, and why should she accept their sub-standard employee practices? Spank you very much.
  • At what point does one realize that they signed up for this step parenting thing...Oh about twelve years ago, and that they are the adult, not the child? Evolve already.
  • I have amazing siblings, that I wouldn't trade for a truckload of gold, but have to be less open with a few of them to maintain our relationship. Because Joseph Smith was a pedophilic fucktard.
  • Too much of a good thing can be bad, i.e. flaming salsa shits of death.
  • Blogger friends disappear and you are left searching obituaries... Ahem...Cough...Jo, Rory, Ciara...Cough. Also blatant deleters, DooDude and Schmo(e), and another chronic deleter chick who has a true gift for words (I have to consult wikipedia before I respond) I loaf you long time.
  • So. And. Lie. Lay. Their. There. They're. Whilst.
  • My boy, just so you know who I'm talking about, the peach with the severe expressive language issues with major peta opinions, decided last summer to grow his hair out like his 15 year old cousin. Many shaggy months later, of course after school pictures, he was game for a cutting, and now I have a waste basket full of hair, and a new Chinese crested offspring.
  • Cabaret was awesome, in one instance, I was the lady laughing beyond normal socially acceptable time frames, because, ACDC doing the hokey pokey was just too darn funny.
  • No one can stone anyone until I blow this whistle!

Saturday, November 18, 2006


I may have mentioned somewhere on this blog how much I love my job, so much that I don't even view it as a job.
Gawd I love my old farts, they are my quasi extended family.
For me, it's not an income thing, how can it be when you look at the pathetic wages of nurses aids?
I applied for this job five years ago, for a break from the daily wife/mother shit, and found out that I love it. Loved it enough to conquer major social anxiety issues and go back to school to be a nurse.
You know how I said I was going to call in, a few blogs ago?
To watch my daughter in Cabaret?
I couldn't do it (guilt works, try it now!)
I decided to miss opening night, and watch my daughter in a Matinee performance tomorrow before work.
The funny thing about not (never in fact) calling in yesterday is that, after I put all of my incontinent friends to bed, I had some RARE spare time.
After I had charted, bleached every surface available, and did a majority of the night shifts work, I wandered the hospital (our call system is via a beeper that I've found even works when I once mistakenly took it home).
I came upon the job posting board, that I haven't read in the five years I've worked there, and found my exact position and hours. Posted three days prior.
How nice. Funny!
Today I called staffing, who also happens to be a good friend of mine, and told her it wasn't very comforting to see my job posted, she had no clue, but freaked out. Partly because I am her "go to girl", when a shift needs covering, she can count on me.
A few minutes later, the DNS's administrative assistant called me back, because all of the really important people had left at noon, Duh, it's Friday.
She explained that the per diem staff was being phased out.
It seems that because we consistently work the same hours (plus) as per diem employees we could actually sue the hospital for back benefits.
This only affects me, and two other per diem employees in the entire hospital, all three in assisted living, one is a nurse.
Of course, they didn't have the common courtesy to inform us, or give us a chance to
apply for our exact positions as part time employees.
If I hadn't looked at the board and informed my fellow employees, we would have found out next month when our names weren't on the schedule.
The real peach is that, my staffing buddy called me tonight to let me know that the only position that has been applied for, is mine.
That, folks, is what you get for being a model employee, for putting your heart into your job.
Now bend over to take it up the ass.
Hey wait! Maybe I'll call in tomorrow with a sore ass?!

Friday, November 17, 2006

FREE to a good home.

First come first serve.

Free silver maple, mulberry leaves.
Various colors.
Pick up only.
With possible vintage 05' foliage!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Everybody together now!!!

I'm just at the right amount of grumpy to be slightly evil:

It's a world of laughter
A world of tears
It's a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There's so much that we share
That it's time we're aware I
t's a small world after all
There is just one moon
And one golden sun
And a smile means Friendship to ev'ryone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

(posted in black so the elderly can suffer too)

Monday, November 13, 2006


Guilt In Advance.
#$%&*, just about sums it up.
I plan to call in to work on Friday.
I've never done this.
People, I was raised on a farm in Utah with ultra Mormon parents.
I have work ethic and guilt issues.
I DON'T call in.
I show up on my death bed and wear a mask to perform my ass wiping duties.
I tried to cover.
I tried the requesting time off avenue.
We are SO short staffed (pile more guilt here).
My daughter is in a play.
Cabaret, you may have heard of it? ;o)
If I have to choose one guilt over another, the old farts will just have to wipe their own asses for one night.
I suck.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Black Ink By Mail

I voted.
Did you?
I think the US should adopt a policy similar to Australia, where people are fined if they don't vote.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Failed t-shirt idea number 6001.

I laughed so hard at this, I think I burst something.
I can't stop, and it hurts...ow.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Lotsa Outsourcing

Just because my time card and job description doesn't say "psyche ward", doesn't mean I don't work on one.
I mean I live in one, so I should know the difference.
Work example A:
I spent a good portion of time helping a 85 year old resident of mine "search" for her mother, under her bed, in the bathroom, in the closet, in the hallway etc, so she could apologize for losing so much weight.
Home example A:
I have a teen, tween and twins. I don't feel it is necessary to expound on this.

I'd like to talk about germs now.
This is evident by the fact that I just typed that sentence.
Work: Lotsta germs.
Four kids in three different schools: Lotsa germs.
Me: Gargling/bathing in Bleach.
Me: Wishing there was a demand for phlegm, because... I'm a giver.
Me: Wondering if now is the time to start my own 900 phone sex line, because now I have the perfect voice and could use the money for bleach.