Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Sincerely

Dear Fall 2006,
Go fuck yourself.
Keri
P.S. Take your damn leaves with you.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Royal pain in the ass.

It is my Freshman daughters first homecoming dance this weekend.
She also got voted in for the Freshman royalty Maiden? thingie? Tonight.
I know NOTHING about these things? The short time I did spend in high school mostly consisted of smoking pot behind the marching band trailer.
She's very down to earth, and laughed at herself doing a circle around the highschool track on the back of a car, BUT, is already quite fond of her new tiara.
When we got home from the football game, she headed straight for the bathroom and spent quite a while there.
When she got out, I said, "did the princess just take a dump?", she replied, "yes, but it is now considered a royal turd".
The funnest part of the evening for me was teasing her that I wouldn't write her a letter, to get her out of playing in and wearing, her pep band uniform...Because, damn that would have been an awesome picture.
Princess on BMW, with Tuba, in full band gear geeky glory, with the math club insignia.
Ahh, but there is always next year.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Hurry up and slow down.

Clocks are dumb.
Not my biological clock, I have enough babies.
Although, I would love if someone near would have one soon, so I could change a few diapers, remember the sleepless nights, so my ovaries would shut the fuck up already.
I quit/postponed nursing school because it was too hard on my kids.
And me.
Trying to write a term paper with four lonesome weepy kids on your lap, makes the keyboard and creative juices quite inaccessible.
My personal desires, school, whatever, will always be there, but there is only a small window of time where I get to be the MOM, and an even smaller window where they will let me.
I really just wish that time would hurry up and slow down.
My oldest, has her first highschool homecoming dance thing this weekend (Highschool, WTF?)My second oldest is SOOOOoo menstrual, but we scrapbook and journal (Dear internets, you're not really be surprised that we pasted a maxi-pad and a picture of our red velvet cake on a celebratory scrap book page?) about it.
The boys, are just amazing in every way. They continually exceed their parents, the school, and societies expectations.

Tick Tock.



Friday, October 20, 2006

Celestial Blessings

I just can't make this shit up.
I wish I could, because I could write a book and retire.

My Mother In Law was here for the weekend and left Tuesday morning.
She just had to put her dog, a very sweet, spoiled chocolate lab to sleep.
He was 13, had cancer, and lived way beyond expectations, because of her devotion to him.
She had to do it alone, because her husband was at work and Jim the dog, couldn't walk or control his bladder or anything else, and it was time.
She brought him home afterwards and buried him under her chestnut tree.
We cried together on the phone, and my boys sent her pictures they drew of Jim the dog.
She is a true doggy person.

While she was here, she spent a lot of time with my Doggy Moses. Just finding comfort and missing her furry friend.
He thinks he is a lap dog now, in all of his 85 pound hairy glory.
So, of course, she taught my Golden Retriever, Moses, how to fetch her a beer from the fridge.
You know, like you do.
She tied a dish towel to the fridge handle, and worked her doggy magic.
That folks, is another reason I love her.
ANYHOO...
I have been really fighting getting down right sick, I've had a sinus infection, that turned into a full blown phlegm attack, with chest and throat recruits on Tuesday.
So after she left, and I got my critters off to school I went back to bed.
Around noon a knock and bark woke me from my phlegm induced stupor, and I hobbled to the door in all of my messy hair, jammy wearing wonderfulness.
It was the Mormon Missionaries, doing the visit thing to a non-active member.
I croaked a Hello, and declined a handshake, because I'm selfish with my germs, and blocked the door from a full on frontal doggy slobber attack.
In their attempts to break the ice, they asked if they could meet my canine.
Moses the wonder mutt, maybe proud of his new trick, maybe now, assumes that all guests would like a cold frothy one, bolted out the door with one in his mouth.

I laughed, a phlegmy croak, and they laughed a nervous laugh, and left.
Imagine this from their perspective.
I must be the hung over, 2 pack a day scratchy throat chick, who has her dog trained to bring her beer in bed.

Or to bring beer to thwart Mormon Missionaries... if only I were that proactive. :o)
I'm confident that this experience will create a great faith promoting speech next Sunday.
Hehehehheh, but I wonder if they'll come back?
(Moses got a treat)






Sunday, October 15, 2006

I'm sending it C.O.D.

I've run the emotional gauntlet on abortion every day since I found out I was pregnant at sixteen. I had the appointment. My oldest daughter was almost my aborted fetus.

There was a time that I could have been that condemning sign carrying Jesus freak pro-lifer outside of an abortion clinic.
But then I ditched religion, grew up, took a Biology class and located my brain.
My opinions/beliefs have changed more than Michael Jackson's face.

This post, the comments... Has me flabbergasted:
http://bitingbeaver.blogspot.com/2006/09/morality-clauses-ec-and-broken-condoms.html

Is this the dark ages? What country do I live in? Should I sign my daughters and I up for female circumcision now?
My tubes are tied, but should I Fed-Ex my uterus to the White House?
Despite the fact that I would never personally have an abortion (I would use EC and they are NOT the same thing), it's my uterus, my body, and my LEGAL choice.

I rarely read comments on blogs, but I read every single one on this post.
I've copied (stole fair and square) and pasted the ones that made me erase the rest of my post, because they said it better than I ever could.


  • A good punishment for sex outside of marriage is forced childbirth
  • I wonder if doctors subjected men to the same treatment before writing scripts for Viagra? After all, men wanting to have sex should be married first.
  • I love how the moralist wants to make sure that no fetus goes unborn, but won't spend the money to clothe, feed, educate, house, and care for them.
  • Remember this story in the voting booth.
  • In this country no one has the right to legislate their religious beliefs. This country was created to escape exactly that idea -- a state instituted church. You need only look to the Middle East to see what happens when a religion takes precedence over the law
  • What if anti-depressant medication was refused to you if Tom Cruise or someone like him was a doctor?
  • You were medically= sexually harassed.
  • We're born with our sexuality: that doesn't mean we're condemned to live with the consequences unless we subscribe to a particular belief.
  • This is an unacceptable situation. We need to get engaged and work hard to reverse the forces that are trying to drag us back into an era where a few who think themselves "elect" rule the lives of the many. That, as I understand it, was the basis our country was founded on.
  • America feels like a theocracy sometimes. A sick theocracy whose holiest saints are corporations, and the most faithful thing the followers can do is amass fortunes at the cost of the poor.
  • I am so tired of grumpy old white guys controlling our bodies.
  • Horrible horrible. Fucking assholes.
  • That is so fucked up.
  • If you lived in a civilized country, you could get EC at any pharmacy, anytime, no questions asked. But apparently, you live in a third world country...
  • Gee, your misfortune not to have been a married woman who was raped. Then you would have really hit the jackpot.
  • What's wrong with these licensing boards that people can claim to be doctors and pharmacists when they'll tell you in no uncertain terms that they're not willing to do their jobs? You can't get a job at Wendy's and then refuse to give people their burgers because you believe meat is murder.
  • "how dares the inferior being called "woman" to have sex for her personal pleasure as the man does? It's the man's divine right to have sex with her if HE decides to do so and it's her duty to give birth to children in exchange for experiencing pleasure."
  • Since when do you need to meet a "moral" criteria to receive medical care?
  • Patriarchal, Christian fundamentalist society= USA.

I'm not Fox News, so I choose not to give attention to the Jeebus freaks and their backwards, mostly hostile comments, but I urge you to read her follow up posts, but put a neck brace on first.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

She wants to be a Pediatrician.

I'm talking about my "job" again, so if you don't want to hear about it, you shouldn't have clicked my link fuckers.
I frequently barf, spew and pathetically profess how this is my "job" but I get more from them...And yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah.
Same old shit, (that I wipe) right?
But THIS is one of the most informative life classes that I've ever taken, and the credits keep piling up.
I discovered a photo album at work recently, because Sundays can be slow, and I scanned the faces of people who loved, lived, and left.
Great memories. Not necessarily good, but great, in their impact.
I was just a blip in their span, but they continually influence me, and the way I live.

I also found some photos, that the activity person had taken, that I wasn't aware of.
My oldest daughter, who started volunteering when she was eleven.
There were pictures of her, pre-boob-essence, The Yahtzee Nazi, craft painting, BINGO spinning self...And she was so young.
I never could have done that at eleven.
Old people smelled, were scaly and scary!

I've worried that I exposed her to too much reality too early.
We've shed a lot of tears together when one of her Yahtzee players died, but she ultimately seems to have a much better grip on the life and death thing, than I ever will.
Four years later, she is almost fifteen, and still volunteering...Although, not as often because of various teen duties disguised as sports and boys.
Of course I'm biased, but I think what she does, and her longevity, is pretty rare for someone her age.

She has been more than a blip.
Most of my old farts recognize me as the chick in scrubs, and can't recall my name even if I held the prune juice hostage, but they know my daughters name, what day of the week she visits, and, by DOG she had better bring some better BINGO prizes next time!
I recently read an obituary in my small town local paper.
The facility wasn't mentioned, the caregivers weren't mentioned, but this now teenaged, volunteer was mentioned and thanked.
That's just pretty darn cool.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

This too shall pass

Guns don't kill people, people kill people...But you have to admit the gun helps.
I'm experiencing my annual "Mormon upbringing twitch", where I briefly review where I've been, and where I am now.
I'm one of those who DID get offended by the people and left the church because of it.
I went to the fireside talk as a teen, where I was told that people who had premarital sex, were like a piece of bread with the butter licked off.
Sure you can repent, but you are still butterless saliva soaked bread.
But when I was pregnant at 16, I did a 360.
I went back to church and totally surrendered myself to religion.
I needed to believe, wanted to be "that" person.
I walked the walk.

I went to "relief society" as a teen.
Heck, I even played Canon in D in Sacrament meeting at my sisters missionary farewell.
I continued going to church after my daughter was born.
One Sunday, while dealing with a fussy new born, and honestly trying to survive and learn through a "relief society" class, she caught me in the hall afterwards and told me that me and my illegitimate child (boy does that word piss me off) blackened the place.
I actually feel very indebted to this woman, my previous young women's "leader."
The "people" did make me leave, but thankfully, made me open a new door.
I investigated, I found words and PROOF to justify every misgiving I had ever had.
I learned to trust in myself and my own judgment.
I discovered that everyone is flawed.
I realized that people make up invisible dudes in the sky to justify their actions or in-actions.
I accept that people are just scared monkeys, who seek comfort in a "higher power" in an attempt to deal with their own mortality.
I need to send a "Thank You" card.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

A few corn kernels shy of a BM

One of my daily views is http://wvs.topleftpixel.com/
I like the way he sees things, and have gleaned many a desktop background.
But today's picture has me confronting my own reality.
It's possible that I may have worked in Long Term Care a bit too long.

[Keri Conniption]
The lady needs Ted Hose, do you see those veins!?
Those aren't good support shoes, especially for someone her age!
Her feet are swollen, does she have diabetes, heart problems, is she on lasix?
I hope that she isn't using that basket as a walker because it looks dangerously unstable!
Why is she out shopping at night, instead of some guilt driven family member?
[/Keri Conniption]

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Death Watch 06'

No, this post isn't about the Republican Party, but people need dreams.

I have this butt ugly house plant.
A passed down plant no less.
Maybe that should have been my first clue? But when a MIL says take it! It is generally a good idea to just take it, and s l o w l y back away.
I have no idea what this plant is other than pathetic.
We're talking a stick with three leaves.
It survived the three hour car ride from Western WA to Eastern WA.
It survived the climate/humidity change.
It survived my sisters puppy chewing off most of its leaves (and then promptly puking them back onto my rug).
It has survived my laissez faire attitude when it comes to watering.
It has even survived my twelve year old daughter.
The girl that ensures that I will get a blender every year for Christmas because she breaks the glass Oster annually. The same twelve year old, that as of last week has me using a small pot in place of my coffee carafe...
While I was at work one night, she moved the plant for some unknown reason, dropped it and shattered the pot.
My sweet snuggy buns (aka twelve year old), re-potted it.
And...It...Lives...
Now, in one of my fancy serving bowls.

One may question why I just don't kill the ugly mother fucker?
Well, because: Euthanasia (from
Greek: ευθανασία -ευ, eu, "good", θανατος, thanatos, "death") is the practice of ending the life of a person or an animal because they are perceived as living an intolerable life, in a painless or minimally painful way either by lethal injection, drug overdose, or by the withdrawal of life support. Euthanasia is a controversial issue because of conflicting religious and humanist views.

My doggys may be afforded this dignified alternative, but I'm human, and we're denied the luxury, so you can suffer with the rest of us you no-name bitch plant...Until I need that bowl.