Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Failure to not feel

I am not usually one to conform.
OK fine, I have a blog, but that's more about my warped sense of self importance than social assent. :o)
BUT, I live in this country. I have my own 9-11 experience.
I guess I just want to talk about it a bit.
Everyone is talking about "where they were", like the challenger explosion and the assassination of JKF, or like that time my Dad married that one chick right after he divorced my "mom" and she didn't even speak English nor he Spanish and it only lasted for a few months...Wait scratch the last one.
Part of healing is talking about it, and impeaching George W. Bush, but now I'm getting wishful.
I had just moved from Western WA to Eastern Washington, into a very small town.
Away from my home, friends and family.
We had lived in our new house for only a few days before 9-11.
My girls had just started their new school.
My sister was living in my guest house while she went to nursing school.
It was Tuesday.
Get the scene?
Scene was, that my world was pretty shaken already.
My sister ran into my house just a bit after 6am and told me a plane had crashed into the world trade center.
Being the awesome morning person that I am, I thought, that is really terrible, and rolled over.
About 20+ or- minutes later, she came back in, this time panicky, and said another plane had hit the other tower.
This got me out of bed and I turned on the TV (back in the days when I had TV).
I tuned in just in time to watch the first tower fall.
My sister left for nursing school.
I sat.
Two inches away from the screen.
I watched the second tower fall.
And I cried.
I called my daughters school to report their absence.
To this very day, what the school secretary said pisses me off.
She said is this about what is going on in New York?
I said, yes.
She said, "send them to school", it is perfectly safe.

  1. She had no knowledge, crystal ball or right to say that.
  2. We live about 2 hours north of Hanford.
  3. We live about 1 hour south of the Grand Coulee Dam.
  4. What level of basic respect for our country under attack is acceptable to you?

My girls were young enough not care about anything other than a day off of school. My boys were just babies.

I sat, glued to the tube in shock. I kept wiping the TV screen because it was blurry, and when that didn't work, realized I was sobbing.

And then the Pentagon.

And then flight 93.

My husbands evil "eastern WA Transferring" work even sent their employees home at noon.

I didn't want to see, know, or feel what was going on, but these were my people, my country, and I was horrified and obligated.

I was panic stricken, maybe "we" were next.

After such an emotionally draining day, my husband and I agreed to turn off the TV and go to bed.

He went to work the next day, and I sent the girls to school.

Unbeknownst to me, the small town we moved to had a warning siren that they tested every Wednesday at noon. A warning siren for if the Coulee Damn broke.

I was home alone with my twin babies when the siren went off. It was a slow motion, life flashing moment for me. I truly believed that it was over. My girls weren't with me, and my husband was a 1/2 hour away. Not a feeling or memory I would like to repeat, but not even close to what "they" must have felt.

This is where I should get all political and rant about how our government/administration continually fails us and rapes us up the ass.

http://www.slate.com/id/2088113/

But seeing it all again today, made me weary.

But now and every day, I hold mine a little tighter.

1 Comments:

  • At Tuesday, September 12, 2006 11:53:00 PM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    Wow.
    This is your blog, so I won't play my old scratchy record over again about how I feel about the so-called president, or how he squandered international support, or how shitty people are for imposing their indifference to children onto the parents, etc., etc.
    Yesterday it was just too much. I turned off the radio and TV. I just couldn't be dragged through that emotional hell again.

    It's bad enough wondering what is ahead without the looking back in the past.

     

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