Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Friday, August 18, 2006

*The day I never/always knew would come.

My oldest daughter has come into contact with her biological father*.

The sperm supplier tracked down my Father (not too hard to do in Utah with a very Mormon surname, so why did it take 14 years, although I'm glad it did and wish it would have been longer or never).
My Dad called me, I asked her, she said, "umm, OK".
She's at the age where it's her choice.
The fun parental fine line of protection and free will.
It's peeling off a scab on my brain that won't ever truly heal.
I am a 32 year old, who was a naive, stupid, messed up 16 year old, that made choices that my daughter now has to deal with, and I can't fix or change it now.

I know this isn't about "ME", but, surprisingly, being a single/teen Mom at 16, wasn't easy.
Besides all of the normal life/financial difficulties, I had a very negative stereotype to deal with made much worse by living in Mormon world.

Still not about me, but I resent, after 14 years of very hard work, he saunters in and gets to enjoy the person she has become.

Whenever she asked me questions, I never spoke negatively about him, out of respect for her DNA...But it sucks to see her find out for herself.





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