Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


*Formally requesting an extension on "the hardest year in our marriage so far*

I'm just a person.
A person that is/was in love with another person.
I am still trying to love that person...And I desperately WANT to love that person.
He is changing, and I am changing...Change is hard and neither of us dance very well.
I hope that it doesn't get harder every year...Maybe the first 7 or 8 were so great, now we're just getting caught up on all the other stuff that comes with marriage?
I wonder if the depth of love you have experienced with someone creates a negative space...In which there is plenty of room for other feelings.

I don't know, I've never been married before and I'm not a Buddhist, so this is it for me.
I do know that I am not happy.
I know that he isn't happy.
But I don't know why.
I know that combined families are difficult.
I know that teenagers are tiresome.
I know that crazy schedules, heavy work loads and the ever present financial strains don't help.

But it wasn't a problem before.
I know that once the possibility of divorce is voiced and considered, that it can't be taken back, and things will never be the same.
That door was opened, and a few very large chips on our shoulders are holding it open.

We are a family.
However it came about, and whatever it becomes.
Mom, Wife, Human...And that person you used to adore.

(there are four little people and four large reasons that we have to play this out)

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  • At Tuesday, June 20, 2006 7:36:00 AM, Blogger JoeinVegas said…

    Sorry, but I vote against an extension of "the hardest year in our marriage so far".
    How about doing "a year of compromises and commitments and trying to have more fun". Why repeat the hard year when you can make a fun year?
    And if it is that bad, the excuse 'stay together for the kids' is the worst one, any kid will tell you they know, and it's worse continuing that way.

  • At Wednesday, June 21, 2006 7:00:00 AM, Blogger doug said…

    Depending on the marriage and how the struggle is manifest, it is possible in my opinion that staying together on account of the kids is a completely valid.

    Keri, the idea of divorce was spoken 10 years ago in my marriage; it hasn’t been an issue since those major negotiations. I would love to go out to lunch with you and listen to you describe your difficulties. I suspect we are experiencing some of the same stresses. Who ever does the most talking has to pick up the tab.

  • At Friday, June 23, 2006 10:26:00 PM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    I've heard it said that marriages don't get better until the children have moved out and the dog dies. It's certainly hard to go through all this with another human being, isn't it?

  • At Saturday, June 24, 2006 3:28:00 PM, Blogger doug said…

    Today I would like the at least the dog to leave prematurely.


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