Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The lazy faker

Whenever I get the urge to rant about the spouse (like this very fucking minute, argghhh),
I pause..(1234567910) and I remember.
I remember to not whine about *him*. (ahem, public blog.)
I remember what life was like before.
I remember the aching soul longing I felt for a partner/lover.
I remember wanting someone to share the daily mundane pains and joys with.
I remember what it was like to be a single, the only, parent.
I remember the loneliness of watching my children do something amazing, and not having someone who thought they were as beautiful as I did....Wishing someone could relish every millisecond of their awesomeness as much as me.
I admit, that I remember what it was like to live on single income.
I remember my pathetic one room apartment that I could barely afford, but loved, because I worked so hard to get it and keep it.
and...
sometimes, I remember how much simpler life was.
No one to question my judgment, checkbook, parenting techniques, insomnia or why I like pickled beets at 3 am.

I won't post about tonight, where he tells me that he thinks my social anxiety is only because I am lazy and I don't *want* to, and everything would be solved if I would just try harder.
Mr. Therapist, Mr. MD and paxil: Seems you were dead assed wrong.
You shouldn't of diagnosed me.
You should have just told me to try harder and it seems I would have been cured, (but can you help me ignore my rash, tight chest and tunnel vision that occurs in public situations?)
Sorry for being such a lazy faker.

3 Comments:

  • At Thursday, April 27, 2006 12:41:00 PM, Blogger JoeinVegas said…

    Yes, come on, try harder.

    Go ahead, we'll wait.

     
  • At Saturday, April 29, 2006 11:14:00 AM, Blogger Miranda said…

    It is no fun to have social anxiety and it is even worse to have it and not have it understood by a partner.

    I've done the mother thing both single and married. I like the fact that I immediately have someone to call if I need help with something but I hate the fact that I have to beg.

    I really wish we could start some mama commune where the kids are loved unconditionally and the mamas give each the support they need to raise their kids with unconditional love and support they need.

     
  • At Saturday, April 29, 2006 11:15:00 AM, Blogger Miranda said…

    By the way, you are pretty amazing - for a whipper-snapper, LOL!

     

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