Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Thanksgiving Survivors:

Please check in here.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Tater Tot

I've got a sicko.
One of my twins has a nasty croupy cough (no fever and otherwise feels fine).
Even if I had a babysitter (my children have never had one outside of family) they wouldn't accept a sick child.
Two weeks left in the quarter, and I can't miss a class.
So my sick tater tot is coming with me.
I don't know if this is against the rules, but I've never been much on rules.
Coloring books, check.
Crayons, check.
Library book, check.
Sorry, Mr. GI Joe can't come as he may disrupt the class with his war mongering ways.
He asked when recess and lunch was.
Hardy Har Har.
Silly kid, I only signed up for recess and lunch!
(I'm a tad bit worried that my life span and development classmates may try to conduct/abduct him for extra credit points).

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Projecting Show

Childhood is inherently lonely.
Very little, if any, control over your life.
Not even sure what this life is about...And what to do with it?
Sure you have parents but they are just for food and owie kissing, if you're lucky.
If you're not lucky, there isn't anywhere you can escape anyway.
Then you get to be a teen.
The relationship with your parents is no longer important, but you're not mature enough to form other healthy/permanent ones.
So your main support system is your peers.
Who are also filled with raging hormones and can turn on you if you're not convenient at any given moment.
So grow up already.
Adults have it ALL figured out.
They are never lonely, lost or scared.
They seek personal fulfillment in perfectly healthy avenues.
They now value their older and wiser elders and parents (especially in the US)
(My eyes just rolled out of their sockets)
Maybe I'm just projecting.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Cheater pants.

I have 2 1/2 weeks left in the quarter and would rather be anywhere but at this computer writing papers or studying for finals. SOOooo, I took a little mental vacation because I can't take a real one.
(I hope reposting doesn't delete comments, because there are some great ones from people I miss)

**Warning Repost ahead**

We stopped in China town first because I had exhausted my supply of Wasabi peas since my last visit. Hot enough to singe your nose hairs and make the rhinovirus flee in terror. (Don’t forget the exit burn either) China town, where pig uterus and cow spleen can be bought 7 days a week (yum cow spleen), and if you’re ever in need of dried sea creatures, you have found the place.
Our next stop was at my adoptive mothers house in Bothell. My little Vietnamese mama named Lan. I got my cheeks pinched and smacked, I got a scolding for not calling enough, the best spring rolls on the face of the earth, and enough parental love to last me a few more months.
Then I-5 all the way to the tippy top of Whidbey Island, deception pass and down on through to our campsite at Fort Ebey.
Firewood, Corona, playing cards and pretzels, picnic table, tent. Nuff said.
Woke up in the morning with a pinecone up my nose and a mountain firmly lodged in my back, (how come you never see chipmunk shit?) and made our way down to the beach.
The beach…sigh…OK smell this. Warm sand. Drying seaweed. Wet drift wood. Salty heavy air that you can taste and cedar, cedar air all around.
Hear ye hear ye. The sound of the waves coming in and the popping sounds of the rocks and they are drug back out with the waves, or the sound of the waves on the sandy parts of the beach, just a foamy recession. The sea birds, diving into the water, squabbling over who really deserves that crab, and the sounds of the crabs sideways skittering for their lives. The deep in your chest sound of the barges making their way through the sound.
The ferry from Whidbey to Port Townsend, and the Bayview Restaurant with their fresh sea food and clam gravy and homemade tartar sauce with real dill weed and “are you going to eat all of that halibut?” “Yes, and if your fork hovers near my plate again, you may be going home with a few less digits.”
Then Port Hadlock with the old alcohol factory that was turned into a hotel. People pull up in their big fat yachts, dock and stroll on in for lunch. Then Port Ludlow, and then the Bainbridge ferry back to Seattle.
It only rained once on us, but Mother nature made sure that we knew that she was giving us a break. Egg yolk rain drops. Two of them and you’ve had your bath for the day.
OK, I’m on empty now. Tag you're it.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Co-Owners; A&B Destruction Company

You may keep my facial features as long as I'm allowed to kiss them thrice an hour, or whenever, but especially when you're in highschool and I'm in my jammies and I'm dropping you off in the parking lot.

No, those are not fake eyelashes. Yes, he really is that gorgeous when he fakes a smile. Also runs very fast away from maternal ladies with lip gloss. But not fast enough. Unable to withstand tickle gazer rays.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


I have a hurt feeling. Wait, two.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Send batteries

OR wish me luck, either one will do.
I head for Mormon land in the morning.
I "get" to see my "mother" whom I haven't talked to in over three years.
And many other mormons with a mission I will meet.
In OREM no less.
Oy. (the black sheep ((me)) and the lesbian ((my sister)) are hoping for a cavity search at the Utard border.*crossing fingers*

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Will you fix it now DooDoo?

Speech 101
Keri Xxxxxxxx

Informative speech outline:
Protecting and informing society about mullet hazards.

I. Society faces a problem that most think has been abolished. Attention needs to be drawn to this issue now, before the mullet crises gets out of hand as it did in the 1980’s.
A. More personal responsibility with freedom of expression needs to be taken.
B. Consideration of others visual rights.
II. Statistics of mullets compared with alternative hairstyles in 1985 to 2005.
A. Pie Graph 1985: Mullets, Big Bangs, Mohawks. (Visual Aid)
B. Pie Graph 2005: Mullets, Big Bangs, Mohawks, Showing mullets on the rise again. (Visual Aid)
C. The mullet has never been completely eradicated.
D. Proactive steps must be taken to prevent the spread of mullets.

III. There are many different names for mullets. Give names, define and answer any questions
A. The “7”. Illustrate this if necessary.
B. The “10-90”. The amount of hair in front “10” proportionate to the amount of hair in the back, “90.”
C. The neck warmer.
D. Bi-Level
E. Mud Flap
F. Achy-Breaky-Bad-Mistakey.
IV. There are also many different classifications of the mullet disorder; here are a few of the most common types you may witness.
A. The Skullet, where most of the head is shaved, but the mullet is left. This is not very common and only poses a small amount of threat. (Visual Aid)
B. The Femullet, which is simply a female with a mullet. (Visual Aid)
C. The Rat Tail, which isn’t a true mullet, but still part of the mullet family. Rat tails are actually a hybrid of a mullet and are commonly worn by adolescents. This is more common in children than adults. (Visual Aid)
V. There is nothing illegal about having a mullet, but does that make it right?
A. The influence of mullets on children must be considered.
B. Should fines be imposed on mullet wearers for visual pollution?
VI. Some people may think that wearing a mullet can cause no harm, but I have information that may change your mind.
A. A psychology study found that people who smelled of pine got more respect than people who smelled of smoke. I think this can easily be applied to alternative hairstyles.
B. People who choose to wear mullets need to be aware of the negative affect their hairstyle choice may have on their image. The mullet wearer may think that the message they are sending is, “I listen to twisted sister”, when in fact the message society receives is “I sleep with my sister.”
C. A mullet may be all business up front, but it is obvious there is a party going on in the back.
VII. I myself was a victim of a mullet like hairstyle at one point in my life.
A. I want to help people make informed hairstyle choices.
B. I want to protect innocent bystanders and naive mullet wearers.
VIII. If you or any of your loved ones decide to make the break from this painful hairstyle, there is help.
A. Many salons offer free mullet removal (visual aid)
B. It is important to love the person, not the mullet.