Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Praise mother fucking Jeebus! (!!)

I'm depressed and hostile! You can be too! Read on! (!!)


Your parents will most likely die before you, if they haven't already! No matter, you didn't like them anyway, much like your children will feel when you go! (!!)
If you are a heterosexual female, your spouse (if you are one of the 50% that didn't divorce) will statistically kick it LONG before you.
If you exercise, eat well and take care of yourself, you can look forward to a long life in a nursing home (without social security to foot the bill) but don't worry, your mind won't be intact and you won't know it anyway! (!!)
If you are really lucky, you might outlive your children (I have one of those Moms at work, and I SEE her eyes. She's inspired me to start smoking again)! (!!)
If you experience a disaster while "living" in your (much worked for) nursing home, your caretakers will abandon you (and you thought the food was bad, eh? How was it watching that water rise? What a trip!).

Go ahead and believe in your GOD, and thank him, nay, PRAISE him for this wonderful human experience! (!!)

(No worries, I'll probably delete this, but take your pill anyway)

4 Comments:

  • At Wednesday, September 14, 2005 7:51:00 AM, Blogger JoeinVegas said…

    Um, can you refill my prescription? (or maybe just a few extra pills on the side?)
    Probably not, but thanks anyway.
    I hope they get some good people on that jury, ones with parents in nursing homes.

     
  • At Wednesday, September 14, 2005 10:58:00 AM, Blogger doug said…

    re: depressed and hostile - only on my good days
    re: parents - yup
    re: heterosexual female - nope
    re: exercise - yup
    re: eat well - not so much
    re: take care of myself - hardly at all
    re: nursing home - I have a gun for such emergencies
    re: outliving my children - not a chance (they better not fucking die in some accident or due to some disease before me or I will go give them major "time out")
    re: disasters in nursing home see point re. gun
    re: praising god - I wouldn't know how
    re: the pill - I've been fixed

    hope I didn't miss anything....

     
  • At Wednesday, September 14, 2005 8:22:00 PM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    Well, I see I have company.

    At least there are kitties. God bless the little kitties.

    http://catsinsinks.com/

     
  • At Saturday, September 17, 2005 6:39:00 AM, Blogger Cjara said…

    Life is a bitch and then we die...preferably through euthanasia. :-/

     

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