Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Classes resume

I'll miss:

  • Schedule free summer days.
  • Swimming with my kids and dogs (OK singular, dog, my wiener dog sinks like a log, but she tries) at the lake.
  • Sleeping in, especially when my babies crawl in bed with me.
  • Vitamin D.
  • Campfires and S'mores.
  • Warm tomatoes.
  • My old farts at work.
  • Mowing the lawn.
  • Tevas, Birkenstocks, flip flops and strappy sandals.
  • Baseball/Softball games.
  • The smell of coconut "baking in the sun" oil.
  • The loss of all mental functions when my boys hear the icecream truck.


Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Praise mother fucking Jeebus! (!!)

I'm depressed and hostile! You can be too! Read on! (!!)

Your parents will most likely die before you, if they haven't already! No matter, you didn't like them anyway, much like your children will feel when you go! (!!)
If you are a heterosexual female, your spouse (if you are one of the 50% that didn't divorce) will statistically kick it LONG before you.
If you exercise, eat well and take care of yourself, you can look forward to a long life in a nursing home (without social security to foot the bill) but don't worry, your mind won't be intact and you won't know it anyway! (!!)
If you are really lucky, you might outlive your children (I have one of those Moms at work, and I SEE her eyes. She's inspired me to start smoking again)! (!!)
If you experience a disaster while "living" in your (much worked for) nursing home, your caretakers will abandon you (and you thought the food was bad, eh? How was it watching that water rise? What a trip!).

Go ahead and believe in your GOD, and thank him, nay, PRAISE him for this wonderful human experience! (!!)

(No worries, I'll probably delete this, but take your pill anyway)

Friday, September 09, 2005


Katrina sucks.
Bush sucks.
Kathleen Blanco sucks.
School sucks.
Missing puppies suck.
Aunt Flo sucks.
Death sucks.
Nurses suck.
Levees suck.
Vehicles suck.
Cold weather sucks.
Husbands suck.
Paxil sucks.
Hurt friends sucks.

More chocolate, summer and Ray Nagin please.