Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Petty, and not Tom.

I believed and would like to continue believing that I am non-judgmental, I still would like to think that I don't have a discriminating bone in my body.
Every size shape, color, hangup, whatever...Bring it on.
To each his own.

One of my very good friends is a gay male. Love him, love him.
We have been though MUCH together.
We go to school together, work together and my Lesbo sister even lived with him for awhile.
This last week, his partner (with full blown aids) of thirteen years, that I also love was, for the first time, together with my kids.
I know all the probabilities and such.....But it's different when it comes to my babies.
NO, I didn't freak out. BUT, I didn't like the thoughts that popped into my ever so shrinking brain.
I feel like (although he NO clue) I dishonored him (and his struggle) in some way.
We all went swimming together, and I kissed, hugged and laughed with him like I always do, but with my kids there in the mix, it was different, and I don't know how to reconcile the thoughts that went through my brain, with the man that I respect, know and love, with my ultimate priority A.K.A. my children.
When we love our children so much that we'd literally be willing to die for them, perhaps... Sometimes, logic flies out the window
I have known many men who are in various stages of aids... LOGICALLY I know the odds are impossibly small of transmitting anything... still... My thoughts did venture there.
He and his partner are some of my dearest friends, so it made the thoughts that crept into my head SO much worse.
I feel like I should join the KKK now.
Right after I search for lost hotwheels and socks under the dryer.

2 Comments:

  • At Saturday, August 06, 2005 9:20:00 AM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    Don't worry about controlling every little thought that pops into your head. You love the guy. You love the children. That's who you are.

    I PM'd you on a different matter so please read it.

     
  • At Monday, August 08, 2005 12:40:00 AM, Blogger Cjara said…

    I´m familiar with these thoughts.

    One acquaintance that we spend time regularly with has Hepatitis B.

    I think they´re human.

     

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