Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Pervasive Shades of Blue.

I'm sad.
I feel sad. The panic attacks are back in ALL of their glory.
I taste sad. I've mostly given up eating. Today I had Saltines.
I smell sad. Even my favorite smell went sour.
I cannot though, ever allow myself to look sad.
I wouldn't want to fucking burden anyone.
There is a valid reason for this feeling.
Having an "acceptable" reason does not change/help the way I feel.
I still feel it.
It's very real to me.
The tears are still wet.
The pain is still raw.
It's selfish of me to feel this.
It's not OK.
It's a drop compared to others suffering.
I still do.
My epitaph will read, "no really, I'm fine".
Slap on a smile and Keri on.

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