Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

IT shay.

I had one of *those* moments today.
One of those life moments when your brain finally realizes something that the rest of your person has been trying not to acknowledge. You could say I had an epiphany, but not a good one.
It hurt. It still hurts.
My world halted, tried to start again but only wobbled on it's axis.
I now have to re-evaluate every life principal I've ever formed.

I was on the shitter downloading some brownware and marveling at the amount foul aromas my Pangaea ass could create (eggs for breakfast), even without alcohol, when IT hit me.

My husband doesn't shit at home.
OH MY doG.
Do you know what this means?
My life partner, nay, my eternal companion is a public pooper. EVEN...Even a habitual regular public pooper.
Just try and wrap your brain around that.
How could it have come to this? Where did I go wrong? How can I share a bed with a man who drops his kids off at the pool in PUBLIC?
The eternal optimist in me insists that I should be thankful for the money saved on air fresheners, toilet paper, comic books and plumbers...But....BUTT...
There is just something so very inherently sick and wrong with Public Pooping People (PPP).
Personally? I have a sphincter of steel. No amount of prairie dogging could make me to submit to the unspeakable horrors of public restroom squatting and loaf pinching.
Not even with a courtesy flush and a cough cover could I conduct a movement in public.
NEVER.
Enn Ee Vee Ee Are.
I'm going to suggest counseling and a sphincter pilate class.
It's the only hope.







2 Comments:

  • At Thursday, January 27, 2005 8:58:00 AM, Blogger JoeinVegas said…

    How have you encouraged him? Do you have a pink bathroom, a little cozy covering that extra roll on the toilet tank, an air freshner thingy on the sink? If you can answer yes to any of these, then a real man would rather go out.

     
  • At Thursday, January 27, 2005 12:08:00 PM, Blogger Dave said…

    You think you've had an epiphany... I just realized why it takes women way longer to lose weight than men.

    Do you know what happens to shit that you don't expel at the moment of first awareness? Do you really think that anything you can pick up in a public restroom is worse than what you're doing to your bowels by waiting till you get home?

    I kind of feel sorry for your intestines all of a sudden.

    Ms-C, the secret to life is learning when to let go. Don't hold on; it's not good for ya.

     

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