Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Delete this first thing in the morning.

I read a great analogy in my English Comp text.
The brain can only sustain 7-9 thoughts at one time.
A humans brain, when trying to think and compose, is like trying to organize a vast warehouse with a pen-light.
Dude, get me some fucking batteries.
My first papers rough draft is due Wednesday. The topic is (oh pathetically please) A persuasive essay, from a journalistic point of view, convincing readers to visit the place you write about.
BUT, the dipshit Professor insists that you MUST have visited the place you write about. Hold please while I phone every Journalist in America and verify my opinion that most of them have never seen the border.
I want to write about the orphanage in India where two of my sisters volunteered at for one summer. I have the knowledge necessary to write a most excellent essay (with pictures and visual aids) because I lived it with them as much as anyone could through daily emails....And one of my sisters lived with me before and after she went to India. Sari ass.
OK, fine Mrs. Professor HoeBag, you want to limit me? You wanna take it outside? Then here is my first page rough draft...
The Vaginal Islands. By Keri Nobody:
The bushes are scarce here, but what it lacks in foliage, it makes it up in heat, humidity and adventure.
This place is visited often, but only a select few have ever been given a passport.
The piercing hood must be observed by those adventurous enough to venture in this demanding oasis.
Princes and Alberts must use caution when exploring to avoid entanglement.
Adventurers would be well advised to bring their spelunking gear, as the natural light in this warm and moist place is very limited.
Maps are readily available, but not exactly accurate in this exotic place.
The Area-G is well documented, but reportedly still hard to find and results are questionable.

That's right, try and squash my creational abilities and see if it back fires on your ass Professor HoeBag.

Again, the "Publish Post" button is red for a reason.

Oh, you KNOW you want to comment...

5 Comments:

  • At Friday, January 14, 2005 8:51:00 AM, Blogger JoeinVegas said…

    Of course we want to comment, but the 'publish your comment' box is blue, and hopefully the back button is used often enough to prevent most thoughts from spilling out in public. But not always.
    Ok, ok, it's the 'but what it lacks in foliage' and 'maps readily available' parts that get to me.
    (wait - did I really push the Publish button on that thought?)

     
  • At Friday, January 14, 2005 11:56:00 AM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    LOL! Unadulterated brilliance!! Gosh, I wish I could turn THAT one in :)

    You know, I think lying would be appropriate in this case. Mr. Prof doesn't really know whether you've been to India or not. I say go for it.

     
  • At Saturday, January 15, 2005 3:37:00 AM, Blogger none said…

    Wow.

    Sigh.

     
  • At Saturday, January 15, 2005 1:35:00 PM, Blogger Ann said…

    I was just reading something somewhere else that gave me this thought. And then I read this, and the thought was amplified: there are some writings that are like drum solos - interesting, I guess, but they do go on and on and what is the fucking POINT? But your writings, Ms. C., are a riff...Jimi Hendrix playing the Star-Spangled Banner, or Peter Frampton running the voice box on "Do You Feel Like I Do?" Just when you start thinking, "Man, this is so cool...how does she DO that?" - you're done. And we want more, dammit. More!

     
  • At Monday, January 17, 2005 10:00:00 AM, Blogger Miranda said…

    So, what did Prof HoeBag say? I'll bet she'll give you extra credit for being witty. The rules always seem to be for the marginal students, I've skirted quite a few requirements in my assignments and as long as I've kept to the intent of the assignment and was original, I've been okay.

     

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