Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

It's that time of year...

I think it's time to cut back on the drinking and crank up the coke habit.

For a select few of you, you'll be getting a fancy schmancy wrapped WSDOT instruction/rule book from me this year, because OBVIOUSLY you don't feel the need to learn to drive on your own. The turn lane is for turning and the fast lane is for.....Wait, here it comes....Going fast, you mother fucker.

Miranda, here in Washington they are on "H". Time to get out my lighter and the squirt gun filled with cheap Vodka. One would think the sticker on my door was self explanatory?
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Oh, and have you ever been on an anti-biotic and therefore got a yeast infection that traveled to your bung hole and it itched more than smallpox and made you dance like a midget trying to squash a spider in the middle of his back whilst doing the Samba?
Yeah, me neither. But that would suck.
There is a reason the "Publish this Post" button is red. It should mean stop.
Oh Fuck that.

7 Comments:

  • At Wednesday, December 22, 2004 4:47:00 AM, Blogger Miranda said…

    If you had indeed taken so many anti-biotics that your bunghole itched like a sonafabitch, I'd recommend major doses of probiotics. And no sugar, fruit, or white flour products until things even out a bit.

    Don't your pushy salesmen know that the "H"'s were supposed to be done in April? Yours really suck.

     
  • At Wednesday, December 22, 2004 9:44:00 AM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    Hello, Sister Ms-Chievous. How are you? Don't tell me because I'm really not listening, and I don't care, so I'll just stand here and pretend I'm listening to you blab on while I scan your kitchen for signs of devil worship ......

    A-HAH!! Just as I suspected.

    Well, it's been a pleasure talking to you, and here's a little something from Our Prophet: a book which clearly outlines the Lard's Commandments about breaking the Word of Wisdom, and how long and slowly you'll burn in hell. Merry Christmas (kiss-kiss)

     
  • At Thursday, December 23, 2004 7:33:00 AM, Blogger JoeinVegas said…

    Ok, ok, ok, some more of those secret club handshakes and magic words and yes that little lapel pin that lets you know you are part of THE group. For the rest of us, what the heck is H, and what does that door sticker mean?
    And thanks for finally lightening up and putting an uplifting post here.

     
  • At Thursday, December 23, 2004 7:41:00 AM, Blogger JoeinVegas said…

    And why does Dave call you Satan's Wife? You sound like a perfectly sane rational person to me - do you have horns or something?

     
  • At Thursday, December 23, 2004 11:27:00 AM, Blogger Miranda said…

    Joe, The picture is supposed to scare away religious peddlers, but the peddlers from the cult, er church we all used to belong to don't know how to leave people alone. I posted in another place how the leaders in my former place of worship were on the "W" (first letter of my last name) because they were doing all kinds of stuff to make us feel special and loved. I'm guessing that Keri's last name starts with an "H". Ya'know, must reach out and make sure we are all one with Jeebus as only they know how to be.

     
  • At Thursday, December 23, 2004 11:29:00 AM, Blogger Miranda said…

    Oh, and I have no idea why Dave calls her Satan's bride. She is delishiously eeevvilll sometimes.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 05, 2005 9:39:00 AM, Blogger Dave said…

    I only call her Satan's Bride out of respect. You remember that old ELO song, "Evil Woman?" That's what I think of when I real Keri's stuff. It's also why I find myself drawn back.

    Yeast infections suck. I like my beer to be pure.

     

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