Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

SOS

I need an intervention.
I called in the Mommy-trick-or-treating-tax and now....oh Dog...now....I'm praying for the first time in 11 years.
Please help me oh Lard, lard that will soon be added to my ass if I don't receive assistance (funny, assistance starts with ass). YES please help my ASS. I'm a worthy cause?
I really can't afford to pay property taxes on a new ass land mass.
Please someone take the delightfulness of orgasmic butterfingers away from my butter fingers and away from my oral orifice.
Stop the madness!
SO much is at stake here. Please help me save my ass. Or soon I will be saying "Save the Whales" from a personal perspective.
Please can I got back to my pre-Halloween naivete?
Help me, or my ass will hog all of the gravity and you will just fly off of the earth. Although.......my sickness speaks and says "MORE BUTTERFINGERS FOR ME." Me as, "Jabba the Butterfinger is looking mighty tempting".
Oh, the path is short from mouth to ass mass.
If a butterfinger latte' is invented, ALL HOPE IS LOST.
Please....please, bring duct tape and Tampons.
...

5 Comments:

  • At Monday, November 01, 2004 11:05:00 AM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    Mmmmph gorp mmmorphh phrrrr ophphphph phphphpt! (smack) And, if I could, I'd mmmmph fmsmurmph in duh gerbidgge.
    (gulp)

    Yum. Those Hershey's chocolates are sure good, but it's hard to talk with them in my mouth.

    Do you ever feel guilty for stealing candy out of your children's trick-or-treating bags when they're sleeping? I don't either.

     
  • At Monday, November 01, 2004 1:22:00 PM, Blogger none said…

    *chuckle*

    I really empathize with your situation here. I had more ice-cream today than I had in the past 3 months. It must be the hormones.

     
  • At Tuesday, November 02, 2004 8:18:00 AM, Blogger JoeinVegas said…

    What you do is take it all to work and put it in a bowl on your desk. And don't make funny faces when people take some. It'll be gone by lunch, no matter how much you have. As far as keeping out of the kid's stash, if they see you taking any they will be sure to eat it all at once, thereby removing the burden from you, but resulting in such a sugar high that they won't sleep for days.
    Don'w work? Well, put in a throw away container and leave at your local Starbucks. I know it takes an effort, but you can do it. We believe in you. (but I can't stop picturing that ...)

     
  • At Tuesday, November 02, 2004 8:30:00 AM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    I think I've figured out your point system, so I'll rate this blog entry as follows:

    "in-ter-ven-tion" = 4 points
    "de-light-ful-ness" = 4 points
    "or-gas-mic but-ter-fing-ers" = 7 points
    "save the whales" = 11 points

    Total: 43.5 points out of 45. Not bad at all ;)

     
  • At Tuesday, November 02, 2004 2:24:00 PM, Blogger Dave said…

    You don't ass for much, do you? That was a pretty cheeky prayer. Do you really think if you beg enough that god will crack? I mean, there's no ifs, ands, or butts about it... if you had any chances at salvation before, you've rectum now.

    Shyiiiit...

     

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