Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Nothing more than feelings.

I have to let someone know how much one of her posts affected me.
"The common denominator in your life is you...and in every relationship, situation, or circumstance is you....If that dynamic that you're operating is NOT getting you what you want....don't look to the other people to change or to the situations to alter...look within to alter your approach." - E.M.
I�m getting what I want. I'm comfortable in my spiritual skin, are you?
The difference between hardcore Zealous Dogmatics and myself is, I have very strong opinions. I even have unwavering beliefs, but I recognize that I wasn�t supplied the brainpower to comprehend everything. I believe what I believe but I admit that they are just my �beliefs� and not facts.
My anti-theist agnostic and very much decided mind remains open.
OK back up a little. I�m going to share the final straw. Take note that I am biased. I never believed. I just did the expected thing in Utard and played the game as well as I could up to the point where it started to make me soul sick.
One of my older sisters served her mission in Buenos Aires Argentina. When it was close to the time for her to come home she started to plan her �homecoming�. She asked me in a letter (because despite all Mormon doctrinal attempts, me and my siblings have always remained very close) to play �Canon in D by Pachebel� on the piano for her homecoming.
Of course if this is asked of me from my sister after her loss of 18 months of her life, of COURSE!! No question.
I put my unnamed anxieties (at that stage of my life) aside and hastily got to work on mastering the piece of music.
I did, I performed it. It was beautiful, and I say this comfortably, being that I am normally the queen of self-depreciation. I did it honestly and purely for her.
I was treated like 2-day-old dog shit.
I was told that me and my �illegitimate� (don�t make me expound on that fucked up word) child "blackened this sacred place�.
I didn�t leave because of the people. I never bought the horseshit fucked up Aesop�s fable they were trying to pander, but the people did make it a hell of a lot easier to not look back.
OK back on task. In my own warped way, I would be a little sad (possibly a little happy) if one of my dogmatic Mormon relatives didn�t have their beliefs to fall back on. It works for them.
Just like my theories and beliefs don�t work for them.
The issue of the harm a religion can and does do should be another post and possibly my life story.
I guess what I am trying to say is I�m fine with whatever �you� decide to cling to. If it works for you then that is good enough for me�and believe me, I have wrestled with the issue of not respecting my Mormon friends and relatives for years (because how stupid and brain-dead and weak would one have to be to buy that?).
We are essentially all on the same pubescent boat.
So sit on your fence. Enjoy that post up your ass. Praise your Allah. Drink the Kool-aid with Mr. Jones. Chant to the ceiling. Drink your five bloody Mary�s if it makes you feel better (oh wait, that's five hail Mary's right?). Whatever works for you. But if you knock on my door.......game on.
OK, OK�I know I�m rambling but its fucking 1:45 am here on the left coast, what do you expect? ;o)

9 Comments:

  • At Monday, September 27, 2004 5:53:00 AM, Blogger Miranda said…

    Keri, so glad that you and your sisters do not let religious differences get in the way of your relationship. Are you sibs still believers?

    Love ya!

     
  • At Monday, September 27, 2004 7:24:00 AM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    The more you learn, the more you know you don't know much. This was an effective post for whomever it was directed at, and by the way -- that was pretty sad how you were treated at your sister's homecoming :(

     
  • At Monday, September 27, 2004 7:53:00 AM, Blogger JoeinVegas said…

    But - what about your sister? Did she have an OK time in Argentina? Is she now isolating you because of the music that you played? (yes, I know she asked for it, just being sarcastic)

     
  • At Monday, September 27, 2004 8:00:00 AM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said…

    intense!

    love,
    jason mulgrew
    internet quasi-celebrity

     
  • At Monday, September 27, 2004 9:32:00 AM, Blogger Dave said…

    Wow, I just wrote in my blog almost the exact opposite thing you did...

    (does this make you want to go look at it?)

    :)

    Religions are for stupid people, Keri. Whenever a religious person pisses you off, it helps to remember that.

     
  • At Monday, September 27, 2004 10:48:00 AM, Blogger none said…

    Keri,

    I�m not a Mormon, and to be honest, I don�t know much about it, except some distant rumors that Mormon men can have multiple wives.

    But as I mentioned before, my mother joined some christian sect of her own about 10 years ago, and I�m pretty familiar with drift now.

    I�m very sorry you got the treatment. :(

    I too feel exactly the same like you... live and let live, but if you try to mission me... Well, I�ll tell you exactly what would happen:

    A couple of Jehowa�s Witnesses knocked on my door a few months back and asked for five minutes of my time to listen to the Word of God.

    I told them with the most cheerful smile and most polite voice that I�m Muslim. (I got the idea from my brother who keeps telling them he�s Jewish. ;)

    It�s a stress free solution, doesn�t get my blood pressure up, and I can later laugh over the look on their faces, as they mumble and turn around to leave hurridly.

     
  • At Monday, September 27, 2004 11:16:00 AM, Blogger Morgan said…

    I whole-heartedly agree with the whole "we live and let live, why can't you do the same" question.

    I have been given the "treatment" several times over, but I also have a lot of friends who are very devout in their beliefs. One of them is on her Mormon mission right now, and she has never given me the least bit of flak for not going to church.

    I wonder quite often as to why some people who are very religious find the need to judge you if you are not, or if you believe something different, and I think it boils down to fear...but going more into that would cause me to write a novella.

    When the Jehovah's witnesses knocked on my door, I told them we were all members of a secular cult, based loosely on Zionism. (which was total bullshit). Instead of looking shocked and leaving, they stayed and wanted to know all about it so they could better convert me. (Direct quote).

     
  • At Monday, September 27, 2004 12:37:00 PM, Blogger Ms-Chievous said…

    Pheeb-a-licous got it right on. (28 points) I've done and dealt, and don't have issues. BUT it is still very hard to watch someone who CHOOSES to believe, but doesn't maintain the lifestyle, deal with the guilt.
    The "but if you knock on my door" was a metaphor,for the second "you" ask I'm all over it, "you" won't be able to shut me up.
    Wait....I never shut-up anyway...~shrug~

     
  • At Monday, September 27, 2004 6:28:00 PM, Blogger bluebear said…

    WOW-MY GOODNESS- OH DEAR-

    "I too am a messy mortal,
    come walk with me in the mud"
    Hugh Prather
    fm: NOTES TO MYSELF

     

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