Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Ego Syntonic.

I have my very own Neurosis. If you're nice, I'll let you pet it.
"Whenever she is in conflict with the world, the neurotic tends to automatically think that it is her fault. "
"A significant portion of our lot of existential pain through out life is the anguish of continually and accurately discerning what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for."
It is my fault that the world is going to shit because I ate some chicken last night, or it's my fault that no one is posting at the fruit stand because my avatar is too whatever. I read this and laugh, I know it's not true but I still feel that way.
I can’t so much as step one toenail out of my door if even so much as a nose hair is out of place. I’m not kidding. If my panties and bra don’t match, then Dog forbid me ever even considering leaving the house?!? Chipped toe nail polish, fugget a bou't it. Not even an option. I mean get fucking REAL!? What would the ambulance drivers think when I crash and die and the bra and panties don't match? Unacceptable. It is of no consequence that no one besides me sees the panties. I know and so does Dog.
This is one of the un-realistic requirements I place upon myself. Myself!! I’m not appeasing anyone but my own little neurotic self with my antics. No one gives a rat turd about the chipped polish but me.
Just take the pill already you say?
I personally prefer socially absent neurotic obsessive chick to socially present flaccid robot girl. No you don't get to vote on it.
Which brings up another point. If one went to the ER with your leg chopped off, they would say "holy Batman!! This person is in pain!! Bring out the Opiates!! Poor poor chopped off leg person!!"
If one went to the ER with extreme mental pain, you would be shoved in a locked and padded room with a camera, avoided, snickered at, put off until the very last and labeled.
Physical pain is OK. Mental pain is not. Do we really wonder why there are so many alcoholics and junkies in the world?
This is oozing with caustic sarcasm but still true.
Vee Oh Oh Dee Eeh dubbleyou man, I made it to page 132, chapter 6 and Mr. Peck started to talk about some dude called "God"? I will try to sustain my intestinal fortitudes enough to carry on. No really, I've completely enjoyed his perspective and will just have to trust that he won't get too squishy on the God thing.


  • At Tuesday, September 14, 2004 2:13:00 PM, Blogger doug said…

    "It’s my fault that no one is posting at the fruit stand"

    OH! So you mean to tell me that I am not the only one that thinks this? I know, I know, it is madness but the damn thought keeps making its way into my tiny winy brain - most unwelcome thoughts, not welcome at all. They just walk in through the front door and wham, "hello, anybody home, we have come to stink up the joint, don't mind us, we will just make ourselves at home." GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD SPACE NOW!

    Peck does have a nasty habit of introducing God - it's like stepping around dog poop that owners neglected to pick up. I suspect he would be hard pressed to make his grand argument were it not for god's role. He could use Kant's categorical imperative but why bother when God is in your pocket (and it is a Catholic God no less, ick, ick, ick!).

    I have it on good authority that the only difference between a neurotic and psychotic is that neurotic’s dream of grandiose designs, mega power and huge fancy mansions. The psychotics move into the mansion and rule the world. :)

  • At Wednesday, September 15, 2004 9:08:00 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    OTFLMAO as usual! Girl, FYI...there may be hope. I used to be just like you. I say "used to be" because although I still suffer from the same thought processes I think it has mellowed over the years. I even check the mail now in my pajamas....OMG, it's a miracle! I went outside without any makeup at all two days ago. That was freaky and of course I ran into someone I knew, this seems to only happen when I am not in perfect tip top appearances. But I got over it fast. Or did I? lol

  • At Wednesday, September 15, 2004 9:41:00 AM, Blogger Phoebe said…

    Correction: It's MY fault that I don't post in the fruit basket.
    So if you ran into me someday, and you noticed I don't wear nail polish, and my shoes don't always necessarily go with my duds, would you think so much less of me? Because if that's what I have to add to my list of worries, it would push me right over the edge, girl :)
    I prefer unmedicated chicks myself. They are so much more interesting.

  • At Wednesday, September 15, 2004 10:34:00 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    I forgot to mention how very very much I enjoyed your comments regarding ER response to pain vs response to mental pain. With what I've been dealing with you are soooo right on. According to my son opiates can cure ALL pain.

  • At Wednesday, September 15, 2004 10:50:00 AM, Blogger Ms-Chievous said…

    Pheebs, the whacked out rules only apply to this whacko. I'm too busy stressing, that I rarely notice other life forms. ;o)

  • At Wednesday, September 15, 2004 1:01:00 PM, Blogger Ms-Chievous said…

    Jo, I got that from the book I am reading. Very very true.

  • At Friday, September 17, 2004 3:48:00 AM, Blogger bluebear said…

    YIKES--MY NEUROSIS JUST CRAWLED UNDER THE CARPET--LETS SEE-- my tie matches my sox-my sox matches my shirt-and checking the color chart I have the right shoes--Damn violet and pink does not match my white beard-and definately not my white braid. As far as the ER goes I gave up the under garment thing a long time ago-don't wear any.

    Ms-Chievous, I bow to Greatness.



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