Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Read by many, but understood by few...

OK, I'm gettin' very nekkid here.....
I avoid most labels, but if they fit so well, then maybe I should wear them until I grow out of them?
I have Social Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and sometimes in very low spots Agrophobia.  At my very worst, I have debilitating and painful anxiety attacks to the point of tunnel vision and blacking out.  Nice, explain that to the neighbors.  Sure, yeah, I'm just inspecting the lawn up close, no don't dial 911 I'm medically trained.
Is this how I "view" myself?  No.  Does it piss me off more than I can say that I let  (allow) any of these control me and my daily life?  Yes.  Does it encompass my brain with rage that those I love are affected by this?  YES.  Do I think I will ever completely kick it?  No.  Am I on my way to beating it submissively silent?  Yes.  Yes.  Yes with a big side of Damitol!
That said, I obviously have a very difficult time trusting and getting to know people.  I have an even harder time allowing myself to be seen.  It's much easier to hide behind my smart ass, than show myself, but i'm working on it.  I have great inspiration......and I'm working on it.




  • At Thursday, July 29, 2004 1:35:00 PM, Blogger Jo said…

    I love your smart ass!!! And it's so cool you have it to hide behind. Everything has it's purpose, right? :) I totally relate to everything you've said. And I feel the emotions behind it, too. Keep on truckin', girl.

  • At Friday, July 30, 2004 7:18:00 AM, Blogger Dave said…

    Yes, I too enjoy your most intelligent ass. I like it when you get nekkid though, too. It's like... sometimes... I don't even know who you are...!

    Keep on writing, lady! It's got to help (I say that because all the writing I've been doing lately has been very good for me.)


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