Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Please sign my petition.

I think we should get to have more than one mid-life crisis. I'm ready for one now, but I still want to have the option for one or two later on in life. ;o)
My life is good, Perfect kids... payment.....job....Fuck I've even got the white picket fence. All in all I have no physical needs,
but I feel trapped, closely followed by selfish.
There are times that I feel like I'm just a wind up toy, going through the motions, crashing when I'm un-wound.
Then there are other days......that I'm just one more twitch away from going to a globe, spinning it and where ever my finger lands, hopping on the next flight, and.....not looking back.
I spend so much time being what everyone else wants or needs me to be, that I don't remember to be me?
I feel like my brain is this organized little apartment building, with nice and tidy little compartments, but there is this one room, that if some one knocks on that scares me to think what would happen if I answered it? Technicolor.

P.S. The first person who posts a knock knock joke get's an ass whupin.


  • At Monday, July 26, 2004 8:29:00 AM, Blogger Dave said…

    Knock knock...

    (couldn't resist).

    Scott Peck tells us that everyone goes through several crisises (sp?) in their lives, but only "midlife crisis" has an official name. You've got many coming to you!

    I sure can relate to the desire for escape.

  • At Monday, July 26, 2004 9:49:00 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    Ain't nothing like a good ass whuping! I'll be standing by to watch. :)

    You know, I have been in your countless times. This is actually the first year that I am stepping back and trying to get a good grasp on what it's all about.

    My ideas are a work in progress but here goes: (just remember I am full of chit half the time)

    I am thinking it takes a lot of courage and strength to put the focus on one's self. I think sometimes we avoid letting ourselves "matter" or be as important as all the destinations we are constantly giving and giving to. Maybe in a way it's all in selfishness....we need to do things to make us feel better or important but in fact we are placing the importance on other targets. Does that make sense? We constantly have the magnifying glass on others and their needs. And you have to give, give, give. At some point the magnifying glass needs to be us. It helps when there is someone else pointing it in that direction but when we are forced to do it ourselves, I think it's kinda scary. It's hard to shift gears and put the same amount of value on ourselves as we do in others. Maybe we are afraid of what we will find. Or maybe we feel if we put value on ourselves we need someone else to validate it or it is for naught. (does that make sense???) If it goes unvalidated then we feel worse than before. So the key is to place value on ourselves and validate it ourselves and screw everyone else. heeeeee

    I have often fantasized about packing up, leaving and just going.....well, nowhere. (okay so I imagine me with a cart and a stray cat and talking to myself) Just away from everything, everyone, period, with no worries. I think it's a healthy fantasy but I think it's important to ask why it's entertained. I, like you, love my family, etc, etc but you can only bend over backward so far until you crash and burn.

    I may be way off base here but, hell, I'm in a rambling mood, lucky you. :)

  • At Tuesday, July 27, 2004 12:54:00 AM, Blogger Ms-Chievous said…

    Jo is a wise woman. (okay so I imagine me with a cart and a stray cat and talking to myself)
    The magnifying glass terrifies me. I think whomever held it would scream, drop, run and promptly seek counseling. ;o)

  • At Tuesday, July 27, 2004 8:33:00 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    Prepare for another jamble - I have to add to my earlier comments because I have been thinking about you. There is nothing wrong with looking around and wanting to help others and fix things and be supportive, etc. But what I have realized recently is that it is a necessity to figure out a way to detach from it all and take care of yourself. I think the problem is, well,with me anyway, is that I become bored with myself. I have to learn to appreciate being alone with myself and learning to enjoy myself. I found my fullfillment in others and their issues/problems. I think I did this to avoid addressing my own. (does this make any sense at all? lol) What's interesting in my situation is that I don't know of anyone, not one person in real life that I feel I can truly rely on when I need support or have a crisis. What does this tell me? I surround myself with needy people and dramatic situations. And that's okay but I realize now that clear boundaries have to be set. This is new to me. Please don't wait till you are my age to do that. I wish you lived closer. We'd go have some fun.

    I no longer mentor and I no longer foster dogs. I feel empty sometimes - I think more bored than anything but it's forced me to take a look at myself and my needs. I've already leaned to play well with I need to learn to play well with me. (I'll let you know how it goes...I sometimes haven't a clue what to do with myself heeee)

    End of Jo's unorganized full of chit jamble. lol :)


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