Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Monday, June 21, 2004

The saggy baggy elephant.

You thought you were going to read a "Golden Book" dincha? < That's a real word. No such luck!
Tonight I am going to forge a blog out of the joys of aging.
I'm getting old. Maybe not in years, although those are adding up very quickly, but my gray matter is aging, my upper arms can wave by themselves, my breasts are pointing southward (the song, "swing low" comes to mind) and my ass is fat. I've decided to stop smiling all together because of the laugh lines. ;o)
If I were male, I would just be starting to look "distinguished". But no, I'm female and therefore I'm just getting old. It doesn't help to work in a long term care facility and see everyday just where your various body parts will migrate to. If I believed in God, I would also have to say that He has some sick sense of humour!
I'll give you two quick, maybe a little graphic examples.
1-I was in a residents room, we'll call him "Paul" and he had to go to the bathroom. Now old men for whatever reason don't P standing up anymore, they sit. So he sat, Paul did, and there was a small splash, and Paul said, "Oh that water is COLD!" Process that for a minute.
2-Another evening I was in another residents room, we'll call her "Sybil" because it is very fitting. She needed a little help getting her pajama bottoms up, so I helped her pull them up, and then she proceeded to tuck her...ummm self, her hanging baskets, her milk jugs into her waistband. I asked her if that was comfortable!?!?? She said, "yes, it keeps them out of the way while I'm sleeping."
Try sleeping on that fellow bloggers!


  • At Tuesday, June 22, 2004 7:53:00 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!!! I thought old men shriveled up...I had no idea!!!! And the tucking the boobs in....heeeeeeeeeee!

    Now I'm depressed, though - YIKES!!! :)

  • At Tuesday, June 22, 2004 12:38:00 PM, Blogger Dave said…

    OMG... I can always expect something special when I come to this blog. Yikes! Reminds me of South Park and the teacher with her nipples showing out the bottom of her shirt.

    As for the old man... I thought someone just forgot to put the toilet seat down at first. heh heh

    I guess I'm starting to look distinguished, btw (which means my body is really starting to distinguish itself from the body I had 15 years ago...)

  • At Thursday, June 24, 2004 11:43:00 AM, Blogger Miranda said…

    I'm geeked about gaining wisdom with my years. I'm despondant about the years do to my body parts. I think I'm going to go curl up in the corner and watch my nipples move south.


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