Brain Barf

May contain traces of nuts.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

I feel inspired to be un-inspired.

~sigh~
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I screwed your dad, and the fact that I'm Blog logged (sorta like mentally constipated). I shall take the easy road, the high traveled road and post lyrics today.

I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all of my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die

It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay
Alive

It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
Steven Tyler




Tuesday, June 29, 2004

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life. - Sophocles

~WARNING~ Goopy love shit ahead....Get out your hip waders before progressing. You've been warned, don't come puking to me later. ;o)

The love of a man.
I think that there is nothing quite so amazing, as the pure, given love of a man. A woman will love anything that is cute and fuzzy or has an owie. A child loves those who care for him. But the love of a man is different somehow. Does it have to be earned? Is is less freely given? I do believe it is a rare thing regardless. I personally never received that kind of un-conditional/uncompromising love before, from any man even my Father.
Maybe it is that I never quite believed in love? I thought it was another mind trick? Another fake illusion that people created?
How can one describe the feeling of being loved because of your faults and flaws, not in spite of them?
How heavy or light is the burden of un-conditional love? Heavy, for the pain that could be caused? Light, because of the freedom and the peace of never wanting for more?
It's not my anniversary, birthday, valentines day, mothers or fathers day. That is the beauty, it's just another day.

Monday, June 28, 2004

My bloody tongue...not to mention my forehead and keyboard...

I have bit my tongue on the "Foyer" issue, I'll just call it the F-word, for awhile now. I wasn't/haven't been a member there for very long before this latest fiasco, so I don't have quite as much invested as others.
Since the the Fuck came back on-line, I've viewed it and read a few semi-interesting posts, but all with the threat of a big sledge hammer falling on my head at any moment or ~gasp~ EX-COMMUNICATION!!!. Someone remind me not to masturbate.
I'm sorry but If I wanted to frequent somewhere with that many rules and cliques, I'd just return to church. At least there, I get a crumb of bread and a thimble full of water. The only difference with the Fuck being, that there is a Crazy, power-hungry Female running things.
Myself, being a female with a small brain, I'm still smart enough to know that because of my "associations" and my blog, my days are numbered even if I never post there again.
Pay Lay Ale

Saturday, June 26, 2004

My eye hurts...

From twitching.
I admit, I'm a very bad girl, but GEEZ I have really been pushed to the edge by my "mother", and her "I deserve it" attitude.
Two months ago when she was gone on ~vacation~ , I went into the (my) "guest" house, and broke the air-conditioner. Yes I did, and I would do it again. I was hoping it would provide a little passive motivation to vacate the premises when the temp hits 115 here soon. About a month ago when it started getting a little warm she tried plugging the AC in and it blew all of MY circuits upstairs!! My upstairs is where every electronic know to man is plugged in, so I figured out what happened and calmly told her that it was not a good idea to plug the AC in any more. 4....Four.....Fore....more times that night, she plugged it in. Each time I calmly told her, please don't plug it in anymore, it must be broken and could cause a fire if she plugs it in again. Blue sparks from my fuse box can never be a good thing.
Fast forward to today. I get home from work around 11:15 pm and my entire upstairs power is out. I ~reflect~ and caaaaalllmmmmyyyyy stroll my way to my "guest" house. "Mother" says, No, I didn't plug the AC in, so I go back home and try un-successfully to figure out what is wrong. A half hour later, I caaaallllmmmmyyy stroll back to my "mothers" (my guest house) house and un-plug the AC.
The thing is with her is that she lies so often and so well, that she herself is deluded and convinced that Satan plugged in the AC.
Just drink the Freaking kool-aid already Mr. Jones, and wait for the damn HaleBop comet.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Read at your own risk.

"Never try to reason the prejudice out of a man. It was not reasoned into him, and cannot be reasoned out." Sydney Smith

This weekend is Gay Pride in Seattle. I will be there. I will wear my rainbow fish taco shirt with PRIDE. :o)
Now, I'm just about as hetro as it gets, but my older sister is a Lesbo. We have always been very close, more so than any other sibling. She even lived with me for 4 years. I have seen, heard and felt some of the prejudice, bigotry and discrimination that she has suffered.
I remember when my parents were going through their nasty divorce, my dad tried to prove that my mother was an un-fit parent because my sister was a ~gasp~ homo-sexual! The court counselor they both were ordered to see (in UT!!, I'd love to know this guys name so I could give him a big wet smoochy) told my father that he should be PROUD of my sister for being strong enough to stand up for who she was, especially in the environment she was raised! Can I get an Amen!?
My sister and her partner have been together for 12 years and currently have an 8 year old daughter. They are both registered nurses. But, Georgey Poorgy, you and your dogmatic government should be able to tell two adults who they can love and marry?!
I think it's great for people to disagree, I really do. But when you're flat ass wrong, you tend to look silly.
"I have examined all the known superstitions of the word, and I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology. Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make one half the world fools and the other half hypocrites; to support roguery and error all over the earth." Thomas Jefferson.

Monday, June 21, 2004

The saggy baggy elephant.

You thought you were going to read a "Golden Book" dincha? < That's a real word. No such luck!
Tonight I am going to forge a blog out of the joys of aging.
I'm getting old. Maybe not in years, although those are adding up very quickly, but my gray matter is aging, my upper arms can wave by themselves, my breasts are pointing southward (the song, "swing low" comes to mind) and my ass is fat. I've decided to stop smiling all together because of the laugh lines. ;o)
If I were male, I would just be starting to look "distinguished". But no, I'm female and therefore I'm just getting old. It doesn't help to work in a long term care facility and see everyday just where your various body parts will migrate to. If I believed in God, I would also have to say that He has some sick sense of humour!
I'll give you two quick, maybe a little graphic examples.
1-I was in a residents room, we'll call him "Paul" and he had to go to the bathroom. Now old men for whatever reason don't P standing up anymore, they sit. So he sat, Paul did, and there was a small splash, and Paul said, "Oh that water is COLD!" Process that for a minute.
2-Another evening I was in another residents room, we'll call her "Sybil" because it is very fitting. She needed a little help getting her pajama bottoms up, so I helped her pull them up, and then she proceeded to tuck her...ummm self, her hanging baskets, her milk jugs into her waistband. I asked her if that was comfortable!?!?? She said, "yes, it keeps them out of the way while I'm sleeping."
Try sleeping on that fellow bloggers!

Sunday, June 20, 2004

My Parents were/are Sadists.

I was re-reading some of my previous blogs for inspiration, and I came across a comment of mine about "Pioneer Week."
Now I must clarify here that I do not dwell on the past as much as it seems here on my blog. I really have resolved most of my issues about my child-hood, but it does make for interesting writing/reading! ;o)
Back to "Pioneer Week". This was invention mostly my Father I believe. My "mother" just played along extremely well.
"Pioneer Week", consisted of my parents turning off all electricity, plumbing and every modern convenience for an entire week, this would include the electric cow milker. We pooped in buckets, cooked outside and in the 80's where big hair was mandatory, no power to our curling irons or blow dryers. Don't forget the agony of no aqua-net or white rain, LOL. AT least they let us sleep out on the trampoline, instead of the ground.
Now this may not seem so harsh to all of you, but my parents were very wealthy when I was young(er). My Father owned multiple businesses in Utah, one of which was a motorcycle business called "Allied Cycle" in Orem. I grew up in a family of 7 children, each having their own four wheeler, 3 wheeler or dirt bike, not to mention the necessary water sport vehicles. Our house was quite large to accommodate the Mormon suggested amount of children (which would be as many as the wife can squirt out before she requires insitutionalization). That would explain the foster children.
The house was on the shores of Utah Lake, a great place to learn to water ski, as you would never want your body to touch those waters. This all factored in, "pioneer week" was quite the culture shock. Albeit, in a culture that is very shocking.
Now, one may pause to question the reasoning behind all of this. Life lessons? Appreciation for what we had?
Let me know what you figure out, because I sure as Fudge (mormon swear word) don't know.
Let it be known that I will never sign up for "Colonial life" or any other PBS special because I have already served my time.
Rambling has ceased, Amen.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Who is reading this? What is wanted?

I tend to be a people pleaser. I must confess that I seem to be writing more "to and for" the people who "may" be reading this, instead of just writing for me. Who is to say what is better? But for me, I'm going to strive to write more for myself. You have been fore warned. Break out the No-doze.

I just got back from vacation and it was so very relaxing, just what the doctor ordered. My check book may take awhile to recover but it was oh so worth it. We (we being friends and family) rented a large house in Sunriver Oregon. It had an indoor lap pool and hot tub, amongst other various "necessities". ;o) It was plain and simple pure bliss. Bike trails that never end, horse stables, swimming until you drop, rock climbing for those so "inclined" ;o)and don't forget the lava lands! Anyhoo, whatever the circumstances, I feel completely re-charged. ~sigh~
In real life, my brain is screaming "what the f&*% are you going to do with me for the rest of the weekend?!?!?" "Kill my cells with more alky hall?!!??"
Alas, such is life......
Amen

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Keri's Articles of non-faith.

No milk before meat here. Big fat T-bone coming your way, and maybe if you're lucky something white and delightsome.
Some of these ideas are stolen and pirated, or just down right plagerized, so if you have a guilt complex quit reading now! :o)

1-I believe in indulgence, instead of abstinence. (Yay!)
2-I believe in vital existence, instead of spiritual pipe dreams.
3-I believe in un-defiled wisdom, instead of hypocritical self deceit.
4-I believe that man is just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all fours, who because of his "divine spiritual and intellectual development" has become the most vicious animal of all.
5-I believe in love and kindness to those that deserve, and sometimes to those who don't.
6-I believe in myself and my own conscience, instead of relying on others man made rules.

Let me re-affirm here, that I don't and never will subscribe to any religion or label. It has taken me many years, and a few counseling sessions to get to this point. ;o) Didja know that a strict, religious up-bringing and control through guilt and fear is the numero uno cause of adult anxiety? I swear Paxil and Prozac pay the Morg royalties. LOL I must be feisty tonight!!! It could be that I'm leaving for vacation in the morning and will be gone until Friday. :o) and :o(
Miss me??!?!? LOL

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Petunia & Moses....Deep thoughts in side.

You say you don't see the connection? Welcome to my world!! :o) Moses is my 4 year old Golden Retriever and Petunia is my 3 year old mini-dachshund. I got Moses as a puppy, but I just got Petunia 2 months ago from the local Humane Society. Why add craziness to chaos one might ask? My answer is, the more the merrier, and they give me much more than I give them, such as, fleas......I never had fleas before they came into my life. ;o) My nephew cannot quite say "Petunia" so he calls her "Tuna" and hence her name has evolved into "Miss Fish". Moses also answers to "hairy ass, Go home bad dog and Satan". My poor Canines are going to have an identity crisis.
Did you know that a Golden retrievers tail is strong enough to lift a mini-dachshund, and that a mini-dachshunds jaws are strong enough to hold their entire weight while swinging back and forth? See now if you wouldn't have read my blog today you would still be in the dark about this subject. Thanks and praise humbly accepted.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

My Grammy always told me to keep a "journal"

How bad is it, that on the second day that I have my own "blog", I can't think of a damned thing to write? Pretty pathetic.
I guess if nothing else, I can talk about work. I work at an assisted living facility. We have about 30 residents, and I love all of them, the crankier the better is what I say. One mis-conception with long term care facilities I think, is that the residents are all old. Not true, we have had some patients that are very young, but terminal and we serve as hospice care. These are very hard for me. I got very attatched to one lady in particular because she needed so much care. Her dressing changes alone could take up to 2 hours, and the smell, oh the smell, there is not another smell in the world like cancerous tissue. Near the end, she would ooze fluorescent green fluids too. It can be really hard to watch someone die like that, especially when they aren't ready to die at all. OK wait....Maybe I shouldn't talk about work either.
On to less pleasant things, being controlled by the "Morg" or for those of you not familiar with the term, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Mormons. Even though I never believed in the warped fairy tale, when you grow up in a certain way, it sticks with you like it or not. I'm talking about the twitch I get in my eye, when I see a bakers hat...More on that later.
That's all for today folks...I have to get to work. Amen ... lol...